The Complete Herbalist
by Dr. O. Phelps Brown (1878)
PART III
THE PHILOSOPHY OF THE SEXES
Admitting the delicacy of the subject, it is, however,
eminently within the province of the medical writer to teach the scientific
bearings of the marital prerogative of the sexes, inasmuch as health, as
well as civilization, is greatly dependent upon the purity of that relation.
While I condemn such literature which is elementarily and purposely suggestive,
I have but little sympathy with that prudish modesty which is outraged
by everything appertaining to the special characteristics of sex.
The author shall, in the consideration of the subject, not attempt to offend
healthy conservatism, yet, at the same time, the subject is too important
to discuss it with undue reserve or by unintelligent circumlocution.
The essays are not written to gratify immoral curiosity, but to edify those
who wish to learn and be governed by the correct principles of the philosophy
appertaining to the marital union of the sexes. And as this work
is specially intended to educate the popular, and not the professional
mind, it is proper and quite consonant with every moral consideration,
that it should contain such general knowledge as all should know for proper
guidance in matters pertaining to the organs of reproduction.
It is quite important for all to know the anatomy
of the genitalia of both sexes. I shall, therefore, prepare this
special part of this work with the anatomy of the organs of both sexes.
ANATOMY OF THE MALE ORGANS
These consist of the organ itself, seminal vesicles,
prostate gland, testes and scrotum.
The male organ conveys the urine from the bladder,
and the seminal sections from the seminal vesicles. Its anterior
extremity is called the glans, and its posterior extremity is the root;
the intervening part, the body, which consists sof two structures, the
corpus cavernosum, or cavernous body, and the corpus spongiosum, or spongy
body. The skin is thin and delicate, studded with numerous sebaceous
follicles. Surrounding the glans is a loose doubling of skin called
the prepuce, which is connected to the mouth of the urethra by a process
called fraenum. The thick rim or edge around the base of the glans
is the crown, or corona glandis, behind which the organ is narrow, and
this portion is known as the neck or collum. The caseous secretion
found here is known as smegma, which is the product of the glands of Tyson,
numerous about the neck and crown.
The cavernous body forms the largest part of the
organ and in shape is a double cylinder. At the root these cylinders
are separate and pointed, and called the crura of the penis. Each
of these is firmly attached to the branches of the pubes and ischium, --
bones of the pelvis. The cavernous body has a thick, elastic, fibrous
coating externally; internally it consists of a spongy structure made up
of cells, or little caverns, which readily communicate with the arteries
and veins. Those arteries that terminate in blind tufts are called
helicine. The cylinders are partially separated from each other by
a partition whose fibres resemble the teeth of a comb, whence the name
septum pectiniforme.
The corpus spongiorum has the same fibrous covering
as the cavernous body, and is also composed of cells, but which are larger
than those of the cavernous body. Its relative position to the corpus
cavernosum is about the same as a ramrod to a double-barrelled gun.
Posteriorly it enlarges into what is called the bulb, lying between the
crura of the organ. Anteriorly it forms the glans.
The urethra, or urinary canal from the bladder, perforates
the spongy body. Its mouth at the glans is called meatus urinarius.
The seminal vesicles consist of two convoluted tubes
placed at the posterior and inferior portion of the bladder. They
are oblong in shape, about two inches in length. They act as a receptacle
for the semen. When secreted by the testicles, the semen is conveyed
by a tube, called the vas deferens, into these vesicles, where it is mixed
with a little mucus, and retained until discharged.
The prostate gland is a dense hard structure, about
the size of a horse-chestnut, surrounding the neck of the bladder, at the
commencement of the urethra. It is perforated by the urethra, and
also by the ductus ejaculatorius, which is formed by the junction of the
vas deferens and the seminal duct. The semen is further liquefied
by the secretion of the prostate, in its passage through the gland.
It also discharges a thick and white secretion into the urethra.
In front of the prostate are two glands (Cowper's), about the size of a
pea, which also discharge a mucous secretion in to the urethra.
The scrotum is the bag-like covering for the testicles.
Its skin is loose and thin, and of a dark color. The transverse wrinkles
which cold produces are due to a dense, reddish, contractile structure,
intimately connected with the skin, and called the dartos. The scrotum
has a muscular covering, next to the dartos; its internal covering is called
the tunica vaginalis.
The testes or testicles are the glands for the secretion
of semen. They are two in number, oval in shape, and flattened laterally.
They are suspended by the spermatic cord. Each testicle is formed
by lobules, consisting of a fine tube, very finely convoluted, which, if
finely dissected and unravelled, is many feet in length. The epididymus
is a vermiform appendage encircling the posterior edge of the testicle,
as a crest upon a helmet.
The spermatic cord consists of an artery and vein,
and nerves, together with the vas deferens.
The erectile tissue of the organ consists essentially
of intricate networks of veins, which communicate freely with each other,
presenting a cellular appearance.
These features constitute what is termed the regional
anatomy of the organs -- the minute anatomy being much more complex.
The physiological functions of the male organs of generation are various,
and inasmuch as they are associated very intimately with one of the most
important of human passions, which if not properly controlled by the dictates
of the moral sense, are exceedingly liable to derangement. Anything
tending to cause a departure from a healthy or normal standard of action
of these physiological functions, will assuredly induce a faulty condition
of the organs themselves, besides impairing the integrity of the general
health. Those interested in this subject may turn to page 350, and
read the article on "Debility or Loss of Vitality." No one should
be neglectful in this respect, but strenuously endeavor by correct habits
of life to maintain the physiological functions in full purity, vigor and
integrity of action.
SEMEN
This is a secretion formed by the testes, which anatomically
we have seen are composed of lobules formed of convoluted seminiferous
tubes. The number of lobules is about 450 in each testis, and that
of tubules about 840. It is apparent, then, that each testis presents
a vast extent of surface for the secretion of the spermatic fluid.
The testes originate in the lower part of what is called the Woolfian bodies
in the embryo, while the kidneys spring from the upper part. They
do not descend into the scrotum until about the ninth month, and sometimes
one or both remain in the abdomen, without, however, interfering with their
function.
The semen is a thick, tenacious, grayish fluid, having
a peculiar odor called spermatic, probably dependent on the secretions
mixed with it. The semen as ejected is not the same as secreted by
the testes, as it receives, in its passage out, the addition of the liquefying
secretions of the prostate and Cowper's glands. It is alkaline in
reaction, and contains albumen and a peculiar principle called spermatin.
It also contains spermatazoids, very small bodies with a tail-like process
to them. They were formerly regarded as animalcules, but now known
to possess no independent organic life. As viewed under the microscope
they are seen floating lively around the spermatic liquor; this is, most
probably, due to ciliary vibrations. The semen also contains other
minute, granular bodies, called seminal granules. These, in conjunction
with the spermatozoids, constitute the formative agents furnished by the
male in generation. They are supposed to correspond with the pollen
tubes of plants. The vermicular motion of the spermatozoids evidently
aids the passage of the semen, after its injection into the womb, to the
ovaries of the female, and if they there meet the female elements of generation
an ovule becomes impregnated, and pregnancy is the result. The semen
is a very vital element, and is only secreted in proportion to the vigor
of the male. It contains chlorides and phosphates, hence its waste
preys upon the nervous tissue for its supply of phosphorus. The secretion
takes place about the fourteenth or fifteenth year, and continues till
about sixty or sixty-five, and during the whole of this time is much under
the influence of the nervous system. Its presence in the seminal
vesicles is required for the proper accomplishment of the virile act, and
it is a well-known physiological fact that full procreative quality is
only gained after it has been for some time lodged in the vesicles.
The involuntary expenditure of this vital fluid is therefore not only detrimental
to the general health, but also seriously destructive of procreative capacity.
ANATOMY OF THE FEMALE ORGANS
The organs of generation in the female are generally
divided into the external and internal. The external consist of the
mons veneris, labia externa, clitoris, lumphae, vestibule, meatus urinarius,
hymen in virgins, and carunculae myrtiformes in matrons. The internal
are the vagina, uterus, and the uterine appendages, the latter consisting
of the broad and round ligaments, ovaries, and Fallopian tubes.
The mons veneria is placed at the lower part of the
abdomen, and consists of dense fibro-cellular and fatty tissues, and is
covered in the adult with hair. The anatomical provision of this
particular covering in combination with the fatty texture is to prevent
chafing and pressure upon sensitive nerves at certain periods.
The labia externa, or outer lips, are two folds of
skin and mucous membrane, which commence in front of the pubic bones, and
extend back to the perinaeum, where they again meet. The superior
junction is called the anterior commissure, the posterior is called the
posterior commissure, or fourchette. By vulva some mean the whole
external organs; by others the longitudinal opening between the projecting
part of the external organs. The use of the external labia is to
protect the organs situated between them.
The nymphae or labia interna, or inner lips, arise
from nearly the same point, at the anterior commissure, and run downwards
and backwards, about an inch, to the middle of the vaginal orifice, where
they disappear in the general lining of the labia externa.
The clitoris is seated just below the point of the
junction of the labia interna. In structure it is the same as the
male organ, with the exception that it has no spongy body or urethra.
It is erectile and extremely sensitive. Its mucous covering is continuous
with the vaginal lining. Under exciting influences it distends and
enlarges. In exceptional instances and from certain causes, it becomes
abnormally enlarged and elongated, and those females in whom this enlargement
is observed, are the reputed hermaphrodites, especially when other congenital
deficiencies are associated. This must be regarded, however, as an
anatomical vagary, as in animated nature there is nothing truly epicene.
The triangular space between the sides of the labia
interna and above the clitoris is known as the vestibule, at the lower
portion of which is found the meatus urinarius, or orifice of the urethra.
The urethra is about an inch and a half long and very dilatable.
The hymen is a fold of mucous membrane, generally
of semilunar shape, with its concavity upwards, which is found just within
the orifice of the vagina. It is generally ruptured at the first
carnal intercourse. Its presence generally denotes the virgin; it
is, however, not an infallible argumentum integritatis (one of its names),
or evidence of virginal integrity. Connubial infelicity has often
arisen on account of its absence in the chosen one of a man who earnestly
believed its presence absolutely necessary to establish virginity.
Many circumstances of an innocent character may occasion a rupture or destruction
of this membrane, such as coughing, convulsive laughter, menstruation,
etc. It is often, indeed, found absent in children soon after birth,
whilst it may remain entire even after copulation. Cases of conception
have been recorded, and yet the membrane was found intact. Hence
its presence does not absolutely prove virginity, nor does its absence
prove incontinence, although its presence would be what is known in law
as prima facie evidence of continence.
Its remains after rupture form what is known as the
carunculae myrtiformes, by reason of the resemblance to the leaves of the
myrtle. The space between the hymen and fourchette is called the
fossa navicularis.
The external organs in the aggregate are often called
the pudendum.
THE INTERNAL ORGANS
The vagina is that canal extending from its origin
in the vulva obliquely through the cavity of the pelvis to the uterus.
Its usual length is about four or five inches and about three in circumference,
though in a few females it may exceed that length, while in others it may
be but a few inches long. It is shorter and more capacious in those
who have borne children. It is well supplied with blood-vessels,
and its mucous membrane is of a pink color, so arranged in various folds
as to allow great extension. Its orifice is surrounded by a collection
of muscular fibres, called the sphincter vaginae. It is not much
under the control of the will, however, as is shown by the inability to
retain injections.
The uterus, or womb, is placed at the upper part
of the vagina, and hangs in the centre of the pelvis, behind the bladder
and before the rectum. In shape it resembles the pear, rounder posteriorly
than anteriorly, and is about two and a half to three inches long, two
inches wide, and very nearly an inch thick. Its upper part is called
the fundus, the inferior cylindrical portion the cervix or neck, and the
intervening portion the body. It is held in place by the broad and
lateral ligaments. Its cavity is triangular, the base being directed
upwards, and the superior angles corresponding to the points of entrance
of the Fallopian tubes; in size it is about equal to a split almond, and
the interior walls are nearly always in contact. Its inferior angle
communicates with the vagina through the canal of the neck, which is barrel-shaped,
and from half to three-quarters of an inch long. The contraction
at the upper extremity of the canal is called the internal mouth or os
uteri, whilst that of the lower extremity is called the os uteri or os
tincae, the latter name from its supposed resemblance to the mouth of a
tench. In shape the os varies, in some being transverse, in others
circular or ragged, the latter especially in women who have borne children.
The uterine cavity lodges the faetus from the commencement of conception
until its birth.
The Fallopian tubes are cylindrical canals about
four inches long, arising from the superior angle of the uterus.
Externally they are equally thick throughout, except at their terminal
extremity, where they expand into a trumpet-shaped enlargement, called
fimbria or morsus diaboli, by which the ovaries are grasped. They
are the ducts for the passage of the ovules from the ovaries of the uterus.
The ovaries are the analogues of the male testes. They are situated
on each side of the uterus; three or four inches away from it. They
are oval in shape, and in removing the outer coats, the proper ovarian
tissue appears, called the stroma. The stroma is studded with numerous
little bodies called Graafian vesicles. These vary in size, the largest
being found near the surface of the ovary, and are found early in life,
but are more developed about the period of puberty. These vesicles
have two coats, the tunic of the ovisac, and the ovisac. Within the
cavity formed by these membranes is an albuminous fluid, in which is found
floating the ovum or egg, which is exceedingly small, but which if impregnated
becomes the faetus. The human egg in all its details resembles the
egg of the chick. It contains a yolk, in the centre of which is a
little vesicle called the germinal vesicle, and on the walls of the germinal
vesicle is seen its nucleus, named the marula germinativa, or germinal
spot. As each Graafian vesicle rises to the surface of the ovary
it bursts, and allows the contained ovum to escape, which is seized by
the fimbriae of the Fallopian tube, and transmitted to the womb.
The scar left on the ovary after the discharge of the ovum is called the
corpus luteum or yellow body. This function in the female is named
ovulation.
There is no correspondenc between the number of yellow
bodies found in the ovaries of a woman and the number of children she may
have borne, as the ova are constantly discharged, irrespective of fecundation,
and hence the corpus luteum is no evidence of previously existing pregnancy.
SOCIAL STATUS OF THE ORGANS
We have now described the most important anatomical
features of the genital organs with the same composure and desire to instruct,
as when we described the anatomy of the other organs, and I am sure that
all of my correct-minded readers have read the same with equal equanimity
and desire to learn. It is altogether owing to a false and foolish
modesty that everything descriptive of the anatomical differences of the
sexes is declared to be indelicate or obscene. It is only obscene
when used to awaken and excite the imagination to dwell on amatory objects,
and not when used for the purposes of legitimate instructions as in these
pages. Extreme reticence with regard to matters referring to the
genital part of the economy is not always indicative of a pure modesty
or continence, nor is it healthy conservatism, but often the promoter of
disease and imbecility. Those who are diseased at this part of their
anatomy, usually became so because they were ignorant of either the anatomy
or physiology of the organs. This fact leads me to have no sympathy
with any prudish illiberality, but forcibly impresses me with the great
necessity existing for instruction and enlightenment relative to this part
of the economy. I will therefore break loose from the trammels of
prudery, and attempt, in a measure, to properly inform my readers, in a
discreet manner, of all the bearings of philosophy relative to the economy
of the genitalia. Knowledge of this kind, in obeisance to a proscriptive
spirit, is now isolated within a narrow precinct of intelligence, while
the demands of the highest welfare of humanity are urgent for universal
dissemination. Medical men have long been aware of the necessity
of popularizing intelligence relative to this subject, but lacked the wisdom
to ignore the illiberal countenance that banished it within their own limits
of intelligence. If any medical knowledge is worthy of popular acceptance
and guidance, it is that pertaining to the genital part of the economy;
on no other subject are unprofessional people so ignorant, and no other
species of ignorance is conducive to greater misfortunes.
Discusssion of this subject in the decorous language
of science in a popular work, will not lead to lewdness nor encourage lechery;
on the contrary, my convictions are that such information as will be imparted
will tend to give a healthy tone to modesty and encourage continence.
This is my purpose, all others I ignore and condemn.
Excessive modesty is often the offspring of ignorance.
The physician who is fully acquainted with the anatomy and physiology of
the generative organs, finds nothing suggestive in such knowledge; it is
to him as common-place as the anatomy and physiology of other parts of
the economy. And should unprofessional people be possessed of proper
knowledge of the anatomical features and physiological functions of the
organs, any decent and necessary allusion to them would not be regarded
as indelicate or offensive. Such intelligence is not subversive of
the moral nature, nor provocative of impure thought; the conventional illiberality
deemed proper by certain people, is far more hurtful than judicious instruction.
Knowledge with reference to the human economy is capable of great injury
if permitted to be buried, and this is as true of the organs in the pelvis
as of those in the thoracic region. We should all know, and not be
ashamed to admit, when admission is proper and right, that Nature completed
her work in case of our own persons; injudicious reservation in this respect,
does a great deal of harm, as it often obliges the unfortunate to suffer
in secret with serious affections, the locality of which makes them ashamed
or unwilling to confide in those whose counsels may be of benefit.
Few parents have the wisdom to take their children in their confidence
and teach them the evils consequent on solitary indulgence, and but few
mothers acquaint their daughters with the phenomenon of womanhood before
its appearance. The son is unwilling to seek the counsel of his father,
and the daughter does not avail herself of her mother's wisdom and experience.
It is the experience of every medical man whose practice extends largely
among females, that questions concerning the integrity of the organs in
the pelvic cavity are unwillingly answered. What young female is
willing to intrust to her medical attendant the knowledge of her disordered
menstruation? She refuses to answer his questions, and probably hides
her chlorotic face under the bed clothes. The doctor only gains the
truth after he is taken to another room where the mother or nurse acquaints
him with the fact. This round-about way of imparting the required
information, places the patient in an embarrassing attitude towards her
physician, and it would be far better for her own welfare and individual
independence did she herself state the fact, and freely and composedly
answer the interrogations of her medical attendant. Who can admire
the sickly modesty of Dr. Abernethy's patient, who enveloped her wrist
in a linen handkerchief before she would permit him to ascertain the condition
of her pulse. The Doctor, however, gave the proper rebuke, for he
immediately put his hand in his coat-tail, and remarked that "a linen patient
requires a woolen physician." Those of the author's sex are also
very often uncomfortable in the physician's presence, if questioned with
regard to diseases of the generative organs. This is radically wrong,
for such timidity and unwillingness induces the patient to defer medical
treatment until absolutely driven to it by the extreme gravity the affection
assumes. Modesty is an admirable virtue, as far as social intercourse
is concerned, but under circumstances requiring medical aid or counsel,
the re-establishment of the organs to healthy physiological action should
not be embarrassed by a diseased modesty, or timid and foolish resrevation.
As this work is intended to bear a relation to the reader the same as the
physician does to his patient, it is hoped that the knowledge contained
in these essays, will receive commendation instead of condemnation, that
they will be considerately read by all who have need of such intelligence;
and that errors of habit may be abandoned and the proper observance of
the laws of health respecting the generative organs be followed instead.
In conclusion, I hope there are not many of my readers
who are offended with Nature for making us distinct as to sex, and who
endeavor to remedy her mistakes by hushing up the fact altogether.
PRESERVATION OF THE HEALTH OF THE ORGANS
Complete health of the organs is necessary to the
full vigor of the general economy, and it should be the aim and desire
of all to maintain the vigor of the genitalia. The male delights
in the shapely figure of the person of the female, the full development
of her bust, and the vivacity of her spirits, all indicative of a healthy
genitalia; and the female takes pride in the male who presents the evidences
of a vigorous manhood. This is a natural selection, and no one is
indifferent to it.
The greatest requirement is cleanliness. Ablutions
of these parts should be more frequent than of the body in general.
We have seen that in the male the secretion of smegma constantly accumulates
at the corona. Besides, the scrotum is so situated that perspiration
is at all times attendant. Its surface is also studded with numerous
sebaceous follicles, whose secretions become quickly very offensive.
If these secretions are not removed, they will impede the full development
of the organ as well as abridge coitive power. They should therefore
be daily cleansed. Cold water is preferable, as it is more stimulating,
and possesses greater tonic properties than tepid or warm water.
In the female the excessive secretions render cleanliness
very important. The vaginal secretions should not be allowed to accumulate
at the vulva, as they soon become offensive, and if re-absorbed impair
the general health. On the pubic prominence are many sebaceous follicles,
whose secretions should be frequently removed by ablutions. Besides,
the urine which passes through the external parts adds constantly to the
uncleanly state. It is therefore very important that the parts should
be frequently washed, omitting, however, cold-water ablutions during the
menstrual period.
Nothing is capable of doing greater harm than excesses
of any kind, and those organs should not be indulged by any unnatural means.
It is promotive of disease, destructive of manhood and healthy womanhood,
and, if early engaged in, arrests the full development of the organs of
either sex, and so reduces the strength of these organs that it renders
them incapacitated for the purposes which were ordained to them by nature,
besides wrecking the nervous system very materially. It is well known
that those who have thus been imprudent, having so long been accustomed
to self-gratification, do not find subsequent and legitimate excitement
so intense as those who have been continent. They have so long been
accustomed to the gratification induced by their own electricity that the
magnetism of another body becomes more or less inert in the production
of a complete orgasm. The habit is morally and physically pernicious,
and its prevalence should be abated by influence of a superior education
in these matters.
Undue excitement of the important passion is detrimental
in the extreme. Obscene literature and pictures do more harm than
merely depraving the moral tastes -- they so stimulate the amative passions
that the seminal vesicles, by the consequent nervous excitement, will allow
the semen to ooze away, inducing hidden seminal waste or losses of semen
with the urine, creating an intonicity of those organs and deprive them
of natural vigor. The same effect is produced by association of the
sexes, where the mutual conduct is provocative of amative excitement, though
modified by forbidden indulgence. Those who have the welfare of the
organs in view, are therefore counselled not to permit abnormal excitement
of the passions to occur. Females should, likewise, avoid reading
obscene literature, from the fact that the constant expenditure of nervous
force ensuing upon the engorged condition of her organs is very hurtful.
It is a well-known physiological fact, that undue excitement of any passion,
such as anger, mirth, etc., is always followed by a certain weakness of
the general organism, and the same holds true of the amative passion also.
The occasional desire for congress is purely a natural
one, and the most chaste or pure-minded person, sufficiently fortunate
to possess healthy organs, cannot rise superior to the desire. It
is simply a manifestation of a function of the economy in perfect obedience
to a physiological law. It is readily explained. We have seen
that semen is the secretory product of a gland (the testes), afterward
deposited in a vesicle; the urine is also secreted by a gland, and deposited
likewise in a vesicle (the bladder). When the bladder becomes filled
the afferent nerves distributed to it convey intelligence of the fact to
the brain, and a desire for urination arises, which continues as long as
the bladder remains charged with urine. This is a natural phenomenon
of organic function. In like manner the full seminal vesicles impart
the sensation to the nerves distributed to them, which is also conveyed
to the brain. What is the result? Naturally, a desire for cohabitation
in order to evacuate the charged vesicles. This fact is an unalterable
condition of the economy, and it follows that a desire for the evacuation
of the vesicles is as much a natural manifestation of functional action
as that of relief of the bladder. In the female the hyperaesthetic
condition of the nerves distributed to the clitoris awakens the same desire,
which remains as long as the nervous forces, are not equalized by the expenditure
of a part. It is, therefore, purely a nervous phenomenon in the female.
The amative passion is not a cultivated one; it is natural to the human
being, and ineradicable by the greatest exercise of continent thought and
behavior, and its gratification is unquestionably hygienic. It is,
of course, as subject to rational indulgence as in diet or drink.
We have seen that desires are natural in a healthy
condition of either sex, and that a rational indulgence is hygienic, but
I earnestly caution every reader to guard against debauching the passion
by unlicensed congress. The indulgence can only be countenanced in
marriage. It is, therefore, the plain duty of every male and female
to marry, and as early in life as contingencies will permit. That
marriage is hygienic is proven by the fact that married people live longer
than the unmarried, a fact that demonstrates the marital privilege as a
healthy relation between the sexes. Nature did not design total continence,
and such a condition is aversive to the physical and mental well-being
of the sexes. Nature, however, provides in this as she does in everything
else. The amative passions do not present themselves or become inconveniently
strong in either sex until a full marriageable age is attained.
MARRIAGE
This is, in law, the conjugal union of man with woman,
and is the only state in which cohabitation is considered proper and irreprehensible.
The marriage relation exists in all Christian communities, and is considered
the most solemn of contract, and, excepting in Protestant countries, it
is regarded as a sacrament. In some countries its celebration falls
under the cognizance of ecclesiastical courts only, but in the United States
it is regarded as merely a civil contract, magistrates having, equally
with clergymen, the right to solemnize it, though it is usually the practice
to have it performed by a clergyman, and attended with religious ceremonies.
Marriage, as a legalized custom, is of very ancient origin. It is
doubtful whether even the primitive man was not governed in the intercourse
of the sexes by some recognition of the union being confined to one chosen
one. No greater promiscuity can certainly be supposed than occurs
in the lower animals, where pairing is the law. The nobler animals,
as the lion, elephant, etc., never have but one mate; and even in case
of death do not re-mate. As man advanced, civil codes were inaugurated,
and certain protection given to the choice of the parties. The earliest
civil code regulating marriage of which we have any account was that of
Menes, who, Herodotus tells us, was the first of the Pharaohs or native
Egyptian kings, and who lived about 3,500 years before Christ. The
nature of his code is not known.
The Biblical account extends further back, but it
does not appear that any laws existed regulating marriage, but each one
was allowed to choose his wife and concubines, and it is supposed that
common consent respected the selection. Next Moses gave laws for
the government of marriage among the Israelites. The early Greeks
followed the code of Cecrops, and the Romans were also governed in their
marital relations by stringent laws. In fact the necessity of some
law regulating the intercourse between the sexes much have become very
apparent to all nations or communities at a very early period. It
certainly antedates any legal regulations with regard to the possession
of property. It is very probable that every community did by common
consent afford to each male one or more females, and the presumption is
that such choice or assignment, as the case may have been, was respected
by common agreement as inviolable. It is doubtful if ever promiscuity
was the law or privilege with any community of men, even in their primitive
state. The possession of reason is antagonistic to such a belief;
and man was most probably elevated above the beast by the faculty of reason
in this respect as in others. Promiscuous indulgence is always evidence
of debauchery, and a departure from that natural course which is prompted
by an innate sense of propriety characterizing mankind. The law is
very indefinite with regard to what constitutes a legal marriage.
It is an unsettled question, both in England and in this country, whether
a marriage solemnized by customary formalities alone is legal, or if one
characterized by the mere consent of the parties is illegal. The
latter has been held as legal in some instances in both countries.
Kent, in his Commentaries, lays down the law that contracts made so that
either party recognizes it from the moment of contract, and even not followed
by cohabitation, amounts to a valid marriage; and also that a contract
to be recognized at some future period, and followed by consummation, is
equally valid. It is unfortunate that the law is so undecided in
this respect. The decisions arrived at, for or against, were not
dependent upon any recognized law, but seem to be influenced by the character
of the cases, either for favor or discountenance. As long as the
law recognizes cohabitation legal only in marriage, it seems to me that
if consummated under consent of the parties to bear marital relations with
each other, or promise of marriage, the act should be unhesitatingly pronounced
as the equivalent of a valid marriage in all instances. If cohabitation
is only a marital prerogative the law should not stultify itself by recognizing
it as possible to occur in any other relation. If either of the parties
are married, the law defines it as adultery, and, very properly, defines
the punishment. It is necessary to the progress of the age that some
such principle should be recognized in common law, so as not to subject
the decision of the question to the individual opinion of any judge.
It would at once obviate the confusion of sentiment now held in regard
to it, and besides arrest the decision in test cases from mere caprice
of the tribunal. It is certainly as correct a principle as any in
common law, and would, in its operations as a statute law, be free from
injustice, and capable of doing much good.
POLYGAMY
This is a state in which a man has at the same time
one or more wives, or a woman more than one husband. The latter custom
is more properly called polyandry, and prevails in Thibet and a few other
places. Polygamy has existed from time immemorial, especially among the
nations of the East. In sacred history we find that it prevailed
before the flood. Lamech had two wives, and the patriarchs were nearly
all polygamists. The custom was tolerated by the laws of Moses, and,
in fact, no positive injunctions against it is found in the whole of the
Old Testament. It is questionable whether more than one was recognized
as the bona-fide wife, the other simply being wives by right of concubinage.
But if polygamy was in its strictest sense the legal custom, it soon grew
unpopular, for no trace of it is met in the records of the New Testament,
where all the passages referring to marriage imply monogamy as alone lawful.
The custom has been almost universal in the East, being sanctioned by all
the religions existing there. The religion of Mohammed allows four
wives, but the permission is rarely exercised except by the rich.
The custom is accounted for on the ground of the premature old age of the
female in those regions, and also on the ground of excess of the number
of females, though the latter, by the authority of recent travellers, is
probably not the truth. The marriage code of Fu-hi, who primarily
established civilizaton among the Chinese, gave most probably superiority
to but one wife, but raised the concubine to the dignity of a wife to a
certain extent.
Among the Greeks, at least of later times, monogamy
was the custom, though in the time of Homer polygamy prevailed to some
extent. It was not known in the republic of Rome, but during the
existence of the empire the prevalence of divorce gave rise to a state
almost analogous to it. It prevailed among the barbarous nations
of antiquity, excepting the Germans, who, according to Tacitus, "were content
with a single wife." In some countries more than one wife was allowable
if the husband could extend the dowry; a wife without a dowry was considered
only a concubine. This was the case in Judea, when it became a dependency
of Rome.
In Christian countries polygamy was never tolerated,
the tenets of the church forbidding it, though Charlemagne had two wives,
and Sigibert and Chilperic also had a plurality. John of Leyden,
an Anabaptist leader, was the husband of seventeen wives, and he held that
it was his moral right to marry as many as he chose.
In England the punishment of polygamy was originally
in the hands of the ecclesiatics. It was considered a capital crime
by a statute of Edward I., but it did not come entirely under the control
of the temporal power until a statute of James I. made it a felony, punishable
with death. George III. made it punishable by imprisonment or transportation
for seven years. By the laws of ancient and modern Sweden the penalty
is death. The Prussian Code of 1794 subjected the criminal to confinement
in a house of correction for not less than two years. In the United
States the second marriage is a nullity, and the punishment varies in the
different States, though usually imprisonment for a certain period, or
fine, or both, is the penalty. The term bigamy is most in use, however,
as the plurality seldom extends beyond two. Polygamy has had some
defenders even in modern times, most of whom have grounded their defence
on the absence of an express prohibition in the Scriptures. Bernard
Ochinus, general of the Catholic Order of Capuchins, though afterwards
a Protestant, wrote in the sixteenth century a work in which he advocated
it. It was also boldly defended by the Rev. M. Madan, in a treatise
called Thelyphthoro, but limited the privilege to men.
It is the offspring of licentiousness, and its advocates
merely wish to give legal color to licentious habits. Every student
of history will find that as soon as a nation became morally depraved,
polygamy was practised, and that monogamy was the rule in all countries
truly civilized. Monogamy is an element of civilization, and, as
a true child, fosters and maintains its parent.
Polygamy has of late years been most shamefully revived,
and outrageously practised in face of law, by the Mormons. They claim
it as a religious duty, and defend the system by claiming that unmarried
women can in the future life reach only the position of angels who occupy
in the Mormon theocratic system a very subordinate rank, being simply ministering
servants to those more worthy, thus proclaiming that it is a virtual necessity
of the male to practise the vilest immorality in order to advance the female
to the higheest place in Heaven.
Mormonism is a religion founded by Joseph Smith,
who was born in Sharon, Vt., December 23, 1805, and killed at Carthage,
Ill., June 27, 1844. The Smith family removed from Vermont to Palmyra,
N. Y., in 1815, and, according to testimony, the reputation of the family
was bad, and that Joseph was the worst of the lot. They were untruthful,
intemperate, and commonly suspected of vile practices, which were probably
true in some cases, and false in others. These statements are not
contradicted even by the Mormons. Joseph claims that in 1823 (Sept.
21), he had a vision, in which the angel Moroni appeared to him and made
known that in a hill near Manchester, N. Y., he would find a record written
on golden plates, giving an account of the ancient inhabitants of America,
and the dealings of God with them, and with the record, two transparent
stones in silver bows like spectacles, which were anciently called Urim
and Thummim, on looking through which the golden plates would become intelligible.
These he claimed were placed in his hand September 22, 1827, by the angel
of the Lord. The language was called the reformed Egyptian, not then
known on earth, and the contents of the plates formed the "Book of Mormon."
The book of Mormon has been proven to have been written by Solomon Spaulding.
It will thus be seen that Mormonism was the development of a stupendous
fraud, and it is exceedingly singular, that a sect of such numbers as Mormonism
is now, or has been, could have been formed, when everything connected
with it is fraudulent and perniciously immoral. Polygamy was not
introduced among the Mormons until 1843, when Smith ordered it as a doctrine
of the church by virtue of a revelation. The Mormons also aim to
prove its right by claiming that St. Paul's injunction that a bishop "should
be the husband of one wife," implies that other men should have as many
as they choose, and that if a bishop should be the husband of one wife
at least the passage does not express a prohibition of his having more
if he wishes.
It is a most singular fact that a sect like the Mormons
could have been established in a country peopled with such law-abiding
people as of the United States, and maintain a system of marriage antagonistic
to the law and religion of the land. Neither could they have done
so, if they had not possessed two great virtues, temperance and industry.
It is to be hoped that the legal process now instituted for its abolition
will effectually remove the blot from the national escutcheon.
The "Oneida Communists" are essentially polygamic,
although they have no marriage system. They do not marry, and ignore
all marriage codes. Cohabitation is under no restrictions between
the sexes. Marriage is also not observed among the Shakers.
MONOGAMY
This is the conjugal union of a male with one female
only. We have seen that monogamy was co-equal with the dawn of civilization,
and that most probably the majority of the males had but one wife, even
among polygamic nations. Universal polygamy is practically impossible,
the scarcity of females and the poverty of the males forbidding it.
The excess of females is not so great in any county as to allow to each
male more than one wife, except the male portion is depleted by long and
disastrous wars. Monogamy has done more for the elevation of the
female than any other custom of civilization. The rich could only
afford to practise polygamy, and should the poor imitate the example, it
would necessarily subject the wives to a state of serfdom. In the
economy of nature it is designed that the male should be the protector
of the female, and that by his exertions the provision of food and raiment
should be secured In polygamous nations the female has not
attained that social state that she has reached in countries where the
male is entitled to but one female as his wife. Woman's highest sphere
is not in the Harem or the Zenani, but in that dignified state in which
she is the sole connubial companion of but one man. It is debasing
to her nature, and subversive of his dignity in the rank of humanity, to
make her the equal only with others in the marital union with one male.
She becomes only the true, noble, and affectionate being when she is conscious
of a superiority to others in the connubial companionship with her accepted
one. The female of birds chirps but for her single mate, and she
is pugnaciously monogamic as well as virtuous, allowing neither male nor
female at or near her home. The spirit of independence she gains
by being the mate of but one male gains for her the victory over the intruders.
The physical and mental welfare of the female is
also dependent upon monogamic marriage. I have demonstrated that
temperate indulgence is conducive to the sanitary condition of the sexes,
and that absolute abstinence is opposed to the designs of nature.
It is also evident that the male is not endowed with greater power, vigor
or capacity than the female; therefore, confinement or limitation of the
congress to the companionship of one male with one female, as in monogamic
marriage, gives the healthy balance to the marital union. The polygamic
husband must either suffer from the consequences of excessive indulgence,
or his wives from poverty of uxorial gratification; probably both would
be the case. Polyandry is equally as proper as polygamy, yet it never
in the history of man obtained a foothold. The female is equally
capable, if not more so, to capacitate more husbands than one as the male
more than one wife, and the physical deterioration would not be greater.
The system is more logical than polygamy, because her dependence would
be distributed between two or more husbands, in which case she would be
better insured against poverty, and her support would be guaranteed by
greater probability.
We have now described the history and aspect of the
two customs, and will conclude this subject by remarking that a man is
morally and physically entitled to but one wife, and that a plurality is
a great wrong to to the female, and in total opposition to the ordinance
of Nature. Wherever polygamy is the custom the female is held in
slavish subjection. It only prospers in proportion to the ignorance
of the sex. Intelligent and civilized woman will always rebel against
such uxorial debasement and servitude.
MARRIAGE CUSTOMS
It would probably be interesting to many to describe
the marriage ceremonies observed by different nations, but to enter into
a descriptive detail would occupy too much space. It is sufficient
to say that while some wives are wooed and won, others are bought and sold;
while in some countries the husband brings the wife to his home, in others,
as in Formosa, the daughter brings her husband to her father's house, and
is considered one of the family, while the sons, upon marriage, leave the
family forever. In civilized countries the ceremonies are either
ministerial or magisterial, and are more or less religious in character,
while in others less civilized the gaining of a wife depends upon a foot-race,
in which the female has the start of one-third the distance of the course,
as is the custom in Lapland. In Caffraria the lover must first fight
himself into the affections of his lady-love, and if he defeats all his
rivals she becomes his wife without further ceremony. Among the Congo
tribes a wife is taken upon trial for a year, and if not suited to the
standard of taste of the husband he returns her to her parents. In
Persia the wife's status depends upon her fruitfulness: if she be barren
she can be put aside. In the same country they have also permanent
marriages, and marriages for a certain period only--the latter never allowed
to exceed ninety years.
In fact the marriage ceremonies differ nearly in
all countries. To us some may appear very absurd, and yet our customs
may be just as amazing to them. It matters but little how a conjugal
union is effected as long as sanctioned by law or custom, and obligates
the parties, by common opinion, to observe the duties pertaining to married
life.
THE BASIS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE
The state of conjugal union should be the happiest
in the whole of the existence of either man or woman, and is such in a
congenial marriage. Yet in the history of very many marriages contentment
or happiness is palpably absent, and an almost insufferable misery is the
heritage of both parties. It is therefore important that previous
to the marital union the parties should take everything in consideration
that foreshadows happiness after marriage, as well as everything calculated
to despoil conjugal felicity.
The first requisite of congenial marriage is love.
Without being cemented by this element the conjugal union is sure to be
uncongenial. It is the strongest bond, the firmest cord, uniting
two hearts inseparably together. Love for the opposite sex has always
been a controlling influence with mankind. It is the most elevating
of all the emotions, and the purest and tenderest of all sentiments.
It exerts a wonderful power, and by its influence the grandest human actions
have been achieved. Of what infinite worth it is to either sex to
be compensated with a worthy and satisfying love, and how ennobling to
the impulses and actions it is to bestow the sentiment upon one worthy
to receive and willing to return.
Love is only given to that which we admire and esteem.
The man who admires the shapely hand, the comely figure, the pretty foot,
the handsome features, the well-formed waist, etc., will naturally love
the woman possessing such attractions. The woman will love the man
who favorably approaches her standard of conception as to manly excellence
and beauty. Others admire moral purity, vivacity of disposition,
superior talents, genius, etc., and hence naturally will love the possessors.
In fact, this proposition is founded upon a law of mind; love cannot be
generated by forces that antagonize our ideals of esteem and admiration.
The love that engenders matrimonial happiness must be reciprocal.
Reciprocity of love will naturally induce matrimonial alliance. It
should not be inspired by a passional nature only, nor should it be platonic
entirely, but the two intimately blended together will render the love
one of adaptation, and secure conjugal placidity. The love that is
created in us by the Venus-like form of the female, or Appollo-like character
of the male, is not that love that alone insures happiness, the moral and
mental nature must also be congenial. Candidates for marriage should
carefully consult themselves, and without ulterior motives ascertain if
the love they have for the one to be chosen or accepted is adequate to
compensate the yearning of this sentiment. If the one selected has
all the characteristics that inspire love, that will be the proper one
to marry. Love is the main spring that regulates the harmony of conjugal
life, and without it there is a void in the machinery, productive only
of jars, convulsive movement, and a grating and inharmonious action.
The soul yearns for love and to love, and unless the desire is compensated,
human life is a blank, and becomes a purposeless existence. Love
ever stimulates the good and suppresses the bad, if kept in a proper channel,
and guided by pure affections.
Another requisite of a happy marriage is health.
No person has a moral right to engage in wedlock who cannot bring to his
partner the offering of good health. It may be apparently a cruelty
to the consumptive to deny to him the gratification of his affections or
passions, but it would be a greater cruelty to encourage him or her in
a step the consequences of which would engender anything but happiness.
Is it a pleasing thing to contemplate that you throw upon the bosom of
your spouse but the body of an invalid, and one that will be the constant
object of care and solicitaiton on the part of either husband or wife?
Is it consoling to your justness that you can but offer a limited period
of your life to the one of your choice, and that the inevitable consequences
of your affection will at an early period leave but one at the hearthstone?
Is it encouraging to know that the offspring of your union will in all
probability be equally tainted as yourself, and that on those upon whom
you conjointly place your hopes and pride are destined to perhaps an early
grave? It is intrinsically wrong for those in whom the taint of consumption,
scrofula, syphilis, insanity, etc., to marry, unless they feel convinced
that by proper medical treatment they have been or can be thoroughly cured.
Intermarriage of the cachectic would be far more judicious than the union
of the healthy to the diseased. Vigor and debility are constitutional
opposites, and cannot exist together in the physical economy, and the marital
union of the physically healthy to the physically unhealthy does also produces
nothing but discord in the economy of marital existence.
A very important consideration is the knowledge of
what marriage really implies. It obliges the encountering of duties
and circumstances which press considerations and plans of life upon the
most careless minds. The change in the habit and manner of life,
the divided responsibility, the inexorable demands of marital duties to
be complied with, and various other matters incident to wedded association
should be fully pre-considered, and the relation assumed only after thorough
deliberation and satisfactory self-examination. It is the duty of
the eligible of either sex to marry, but a marital alliance should be consumated
intelligently, not thoughtlessly or ignorantly. "Look before you
leap," is an adage that has profound significance in its application to
candidates for connubial association. If an error is made in selection,
scarcely another error that may be committed by man or woman is so difficult
of rectification, and none will result in greater misery, mental anguish,
and destruction of all the joys of life. If, on the contrary, the
selection or acceptance is wisely and discreetly made on both sides, the
conjugal pair will be blest with all the earthly joys capable of attainment.
It is invariably those who thoughtlessly entered
into marital companionship that make mistakes. They shrink before
the realities incident to married life on their first presentation, simply
because they never dreamed, much less thought, that such exigencies are
inevitable to the marital sphere. They are ignorant of the duties
incumbent upon either husband or wife, hence they leave them unperformed;
opportunities for advancement are not improved; neglect becomes the basis
of action with only one possible result -- marital infelicity. If
we trace the cause, we find that in the majority of cases, infelicity is
owing to neglect in the performance of marital duty; and this disregard
is ascribable to utter ignorance previous to marriage of the duties inherent
to the marital sphere; consequently, as soon as they confront the wedded
pair they are not met with a fixed determination to discharge them satisfactorily
as emergencies will admit, but are shirked and postponed, and finally,
when the necessity for action becomes absolute, they are inadequately performed;
a fault which is sure to engender dissatisfaction, petulance, or reproach
on the part of either husband or wife.
Marriage implies the utter abandonment of the interests
and advancement of self to the exclusion of the other marital companion.
If circumspect, by noting marital conduct in others, a fair conception
of marriage and its consequences will soon be known. Then, the individual
must ask himself, or herself: Am I capable and willing to do my duty?
Could I rise superior to all the trials, vexations, and perplexities that
present themselves to those in marrige? Would I never weary of doing
the best under all circumstances? If you can satisfactorily answer
these and others, you can enter fitly and nobly into the marital sphere.
Another consideration is evenness of temper.
In the wooing days every one is a lamb, and only becomes the howling wolf
after marriage. Circumstances that ruffle the temper in the presence
of the intended are but like the harmless squib, but would become like
the explosive torpedo in his or her absence, or in after-marriage.
Quarrelling caused by matrimonial differences is the most frequent cause
of infelicity, and most of them are caused by an innate irate temper of
either the husband or wife. Differences that would be amicably adjusted
by the exercise of a little reason and temperance in argument or judgment,
are to the irascible the subject for the most vehement and angry logic,
and the solution is inevitably discord. It is difficult, I acknowledge
, to ascertain previously the mental disposition of persons, when they
have occasion to conceal the defect in order to enhance their own interest.
It is quite possible that Socrates, when he wooed the lovely Xanthippe,
deemed her perfection, called her his "darling," his "pet," his "angel,"
if philosophers ever make use of such endearing expressions. Her
conduct evidently deceived him as to her real nature, for the poor old
philosopher was egregiously deceived and inexpressibly tortured in his
married life by the historically renowned virago and termagant. "Love
is blind," but its eyes should not be blindly closed against any such inperfection
as naturally tends to destroy wedded bliss. Careful observation in
a variety of circumstances will often disclose the real disposition, and
the mask is sometimes unwittingly let fall, so that you may gain a cursory
glance of the features, which if uncomely, should be enough.
The tastes should not be dissimilar.
Some of them may be unimportant, but others are a fruitful source of disagreement.
The social wife will never be contented with the unsocial husband, and
the gay husband, though his gayety may not be commendable, will always
accuse his wife if she lacks a social disposition to a great extent.
The religious wife will never excuse a tendency to irreligion in her husband,
and though he may be far from being immoral, she is unhappy if he does
not participate in her devotions. The one devoted to children will
never be happy with one having a natural repugnance for them. In
this way we might multiply facts illustrative of the importance of an investigation
into the similarity of taste, previous to marriage. Great love, however,
overcomes almost every obstacle.
The parties should be nearly of one age, the husband
should be the older. The union of the old husband to the young wife,
or the reverse, is seldom a happy one. There is seldom that such
a marriage occurs in which the incentive is not the wealth of either of
the parties. The young graft on the old tree does not thrive well,
the vitality required by the one is not afforded by the other. The
magnetism of the old is not suited to the young, and there never can be
a concord in their union. It is a law of nature that animals of like
age should only mate together. The old male bird does not mate with
the young female bird, but mating always occurs between those of the same
year's brood. It is only in their domestication that they lose this
law of instinct, and it is only through a vice of civilization that marriages
between the old and young are contracted, in opposition to the original
design of marital union. Such marriages are but seldom the result
of a mutual love; one of the party is sure to be actuated by motives other
than the one of conjugal happiness, and the union is usually enforced by
the opportune chance of enhancement in respect to wealth or station in
society. The progeny of such a union is very seldom endowed with
either physical or mental vigor, which is easily accounted for. The
physiologist knows that the mental emotions of the mother, during the period
of pregnancy, is very apt to affect development of the child in utero,
either favorably or unfavorably. How, then, can a young mother be
actually comfortable, how can her emotions be elevated, how can she have
that solicitude which is prompted by love, if she bears but little more
than respect for her elderly or old husband? She has not that intense
solicitude or hope that her child shall be all that is excellent; she has
not that incentive of love that prompts her to a revery of desire that
her child shall be all that she deems noble and beautiful; her conjugal
relation is not calculated to inspire her highest and purest emotions,
and the pride of her husband is not great enough for her to yearn for the
day when she can present, with all the joys of maternity, an heir to her
lord. It is, therefore, a union not calculated to promote domestic
contentment, and there must be in the heart of either a husband or wife,
an aching void and a longing for other than a senile embrace.
There are other considerations to be viewed before
a union is effected. No one should neglect the moral character, the
habits of frugality and industry, etc., etc. A marriage should only
be consummated when both of the parties are morally certain that they are
necessary to each other's existence; that life would be a dreary waste
without the oasis of the loved one; that the intended one possesses all
you admire and esteem; and that the journey of life in his or her companionship
will be one of serenity and happiness; -- the union will then, by the endeavors
of both, be attended by all the joy, contentment, and happiness that it
is in the power of mortals to obtain here below.
I cannot more appropriately close this subject than
by quoting an abstract from a well-known author, who presents his case
in full color, but it exposes the undercurrent that leads to the marriage-tie
only too truthfully. He asks: "Who dared first to say that marriages
are made in heaven? We know that there are not only blunders but
roguery in the marriage-office. Do not mistakes occur every day,
and are not the wrong people coupled? Had heaven anything to do with
the bargain by which young Miss Blushrose was sold to old Mr. Hoarfront?
Did heaven order young Miss Fripper to throw over poor Tom Spooner, and
marry the wealthy Mr. Bung? You may as well say that horses are sold
in heaven, which, as you know, are groomed, are doctored, are chanted on
the market, and warranted by dexterous horse-venders as possessing every
quality of blood, pace, temper, and age. Against these Mr. Greenhorn
has his remedy sometimes: but against a mother who sells a warranted daughter
what remedy is there? You have been jockeyed by false representations
into bidding for the Cecilia, and the animal is yours for life. She
shys, kicks, stumbles, has an infernal temper, is a crib-biter, and she
is warranted to you by her mother as the most perfect, good-tempered creature,
who the most timid could manage! You have bought her. She is
yours. Heaven bless you! Take her home, and be miserable for
the rest of your days. You have no redress. You have done the deed.
Marriages were made in heaven, you know; and in yours you were as much
sold as Moses Primrose was when he bought the gross of green spectacles.
Marriages are usually contracted to gratify varioius
desires, as love, fortune, or position. The results are most truthfully
stated by an eminent divine in the following passages: --
"Who marries for love, takes a wife; who marries
for fortune, takes a mistress; who marries for position, takes a lady.
You are loved by your wife, regarded by your mistress, tolerated by your
lady. You have a wife for yourself, a mistress for your house and
friends, a lady for the world and society. Your wife will agree with
you, your mistress will rule you, your lady will manage you. Your
wife will take care of your household, your mistress of your house, your
lady of your appearances. If you are sick, your wife will nurse you,
your mistress will visit you, your lady will inquire after your health.
You take a walk with your wife, a ride with your mistress, and go to a
party with your lady. Your wife will share your grief, your mistress
your money, and your lady your debts. If you die, your wife will
weep, your mistress lament, and your lady wear mourning. Which will
you have?
To man there is but one choice that he can rationally
make, a marriage of love. My female readers, I hope, will also decide
rather to wed a husband than the master or the elegant gentleman.
A little foresight, a little prudence, and a little
caution, will prevent in most cases the entrance into a marriage which,
by the very nature of the alliance, is certain to be an unhappy and improper
one.
The physician, in his advices as to the conduct that
should be observed by the husband and wife, is more properly confined to
physiological aspects, but as the behavior in every respect is so intimately
blended, it is not amiss, in a medical work, to state what the conduct
should be in general. Unhappiness in wedded life is the result frequently
of a couple being joined who should not on any account have been thrown
into marital companionship. It is found that they are uncongenial
in every respect, and hence the natural and inevitable result is dissension
and a mutual regret of marriage. The pharmaceutist knows that if
a chemical element is incompatible in a mixture that no amount of shaking,
trituration, or commotion that he may produce will make the contrary element
act affinitively; on the contrary, the more violent his endeavors the more
the incompatibility is manifested. It is precisely so in the union
of the man and woman who are by nature and purposes of life incompatible.
Discord is evident at the first contact, which in time increases to ebullitions
and explosions of temper, and the more they attempt to reconcile their
differences the greater they become; the affections are destroyed, and
each one becomes conscious that they have made the greatest mistake of
their lives. Each blames their misfortune to the other when both
are to blame, not so much on account of their combativeness, as that is
but a law of their nature, but because neither of them had the wisdom to
abstain from entering into the marital relation. It is, of course,
commendable that both should be desirous of making the best of their union,
and that each should display prudence in their conduct, but in the face
of all their endeavors the galling fact of incompatibility is ever present,
and no amount of the best efforts will make the union a happy one.
If children are born to them they will in all probability be of a vicious
nature, lacking in all the noble qualities, and who, born with the innate
disposition, and reared and schooled in the midst of family discord, will
almost inevitably "go to the bad," thus adding materially to the general
misery of the parents, both of whom are ready and honest in their belief
and averment that the disposition of the chidren is the heritage from the
other. It is unfortunate that such marriages are consummated, for
the diversity in all the actions and purposes of life naturally manifested
by both is too great to be reconciled by the most earnest exercise of either
prudence or forbearance. Such a union has always been, and will always
be, an unhappy one, and the best endeavors will scarcely make it tolerable.
It may be poetical to say that such a man and woman are one, but they are
decidedly two on all subjects and conditions of married life.
It is not to be supposed, however, that every infelicitous
episode in married life is to be ascribed to incompatibility. The
turbulence in many cases is owing to decided misconduct on the part of
either husband or wife. Many unions would be very happy if but a
generous effort would be made to render it so; but if either one is actuated
by a spirit in opposition to mutual confidence, mutual welfare, and mutual
enjoyment, it will either create a slavish submission on the part of one,
or the assertion of mutual equality. In both cases the result is
detrimental to conjugal bliss. A tame submission begets disrespect,
and the assertion of the right generates the "family jar." In the
social and commercial intercourse of man and wife, mutual confidence, mutual
endeavor, and mutual benefit should be the objective point. Concealment
of purpose is as wrong as deception in action, and neither should be for
a moment entertained. The wife should be the possessor of the husband's
secrets, and the husband the custodian of the wife's confidences.
To be actuated by secrecy either in intent or action is nothing more than
duplicity, and an attitude in entire opposition to the spirit of wedded
life; but, while the author in every instance advocates an open and candid
intercourse between the husband and wife, he can only hurl anathemas upon
the one who betrays the confidence. To be worthy of confidence, and
to be entrusted with secrets, demands the fidelity that will not betray
the one or divulge the other. Deception on the part of either husband
or wife will, in spite of all attempts at concealment, often be detected,
causing justly indignation and loss of respect. It is an evidence
that the one to whom everything should be confided is deemed unworthy of
trust, and it puts at an end that harmony and confidence that should exist.
Married couples should most carefully husband their
affections for each other. It is a most deplorable fact, that the
love between many too soon loses its fervor. This loss is not due
to familiarity, nor is it a natural result of daily association; but decidedly
the effect of a reprehensible disregard of a mutual endeavor to maintain
it. We love only that which is lovely; and the person who makes himself
lovely will be loved. It is more frequently the case that the wife
loses her husband's affections than the reverse. This is not so much
the result of the inferior affectionate nature of man as it is of neglect
and imprudence on the part of a woman. Women, if they would rule
men's hearts, must deserve and unwittingly exact the approval and admiration
of their minds. Her variability of temper is most unfortunate.
It goes up like a rocket and comes down like an aerolite; a miracle of
smiles or weeping Niobe, a driving tempest or a flashing sunbeam.
A never-varying, bland, lullaby sort of temperament is most deplorable;
sparkle, buoyancy, and even an irrepressible dash of fun, now and then,
are most healthful and appetizing; but more feminine diplomacy should forbid
the not unfrequent dovetailing of winsome caresses and childish poutings
on the part of the wife, and so should the whimsical interplay of foolish
indulgences and churlish neglect on the part of the husband be abandoned.
Principle, not caprice, should be the energizing and controlling motive.
The most charming views of wedded life are to be taken from the higher
mounts of vision -- those of settled design and steady purpose. There
must, of course, be mutual concessions and mutual agreements to disagree.
There is a way to win by commanding, and a way to command by winning.
By the wise interblending of self-centered strength, and a prodigal wifely
affection, she may achieve marvels of wifely management. The husband
may unconsciously lead: but never essay to drive. At the same time,
we are frank enough to confess that there are too many women who need the
flaming sword of an archangel to awe and repress them. There is no
such thing as conquering them by love; as well prate of love to a blackbird.
But if kindness fails, severity will fail all the more surely. Flies
still continue to take more kindly to molasses than to vinegar. If
they but knew how a cheerful temper, joined with innocence, will make their
beauty more attractive, knowledge more delightful, and wit more good-natured,
they surely would endeavor to cultivate and cherish it. It is an
unquestioned fact that too many wives neglect the most important elements
of wifely conduct.
To her is entrusted the care and management of the
home -- if it is agreeable, it is her work, if it is attractive, it is
to her credit alone that it should be ascribed. If the home is not
a cheery place, it is because she does not render it so. It is not
requisite that elegance and luxury -- that only wealth can procure -- should
characterize it; cleanliness, order, and, above all, her bright, sunny
smiles, and cheerful company, adorn it more than the richest household
furniture. The atmosphere of the home must not be darkened by the
clouds of discontent, perplexity or anger, but lit up by the effulgence
of social conviviality, good nature, and buoyancy of spirit. The
husband coming from his daily task must, in return for the bright smiles
of the wife and children that welcome him home, throw aside all cares of
business, and devote himself to their enjoyment. It will put a new
life in him as well as in his wife and children. If exhausted and
fatigued, or if his mental energies have been overtaxed, he must not thrust
the fact too forcibly upon his family, but on the contrary bring freshness
and buoyancy of spirit into the family circle. He must not recuperate
his energies at the expense of the vitality of his wife and little ones.
The wife should also as early as possible dispense with household duties,
and, until the retiring hour, be ever ready to engage in that social
comunion, which is so healthful, and so conducive to happiness of married
life. But how frequently is it the case that the weary husband, who
would gladly engage in that relaxation afforded by domestic conference
in play, reading, etc., is only beguiled by the din of pots and kettles,
the clatter of dishes, the music of a wash-tub, etc., in the kitchen, which
often is incessant, until the poor husband, desirous of social comforts,
but weary of waiting for them, goes to bed with nothing to lull him to
sleep but the confused noises that come from the kitchen, made by his busy
and industrious, but indiscreet spouse. We would not deprecate industry
on the part of the wife. We well know that many a wife, whose household
duties and personal attention to the children absorb most of her time,
can find but little opportunity to engage in recreation or social enjoyment,
but while we admire thrift, coupled with industrious habits, we cannot
but deplore the state which rubs from her the best energies, instead of
applying some, at least, upon the effort to render the atmosphere of the
home, not one of incessant labor only, but also one that is brightened
and rendered cheerful by the relaxation afforded by an occasional leisure
hour, in which the man, wife, and children are brought in contact, and
stimulated and refreshed by social concourse. As well might the husband
file his saws, grind his axes, and chop his wood at the same time, as the
wife to be continuously drawn from his presence by the labor of the home.
It is, we know, not a pleasing contrast, to compare a thrifty and industrious
wife with one who is indolent and careless, but we only argue for a limit,
as we know that matrimonial happiness, health, and noble qualities of children
are dependent in a great measure upon enlivened social intercourse in the
family. We would have no wife merit the exclamation of "How shiftless!"
from an Aunt Priscilla, but they must not be so busy either, that her husband
has in her no social companion. Such wives cannot much blame their
husbands if they seek social pasttime in the club, in the inn, or even
in his neighbor's house, where Mrs. Sparkle makes everything so pleasant.
It is the duty of the husband, whenever possible, to give his leisure hours
to the companionship of his wife and children, but it is also a duty that
the wife so arranges everything that they can not only be passed tolerably
but agreeably. It should be the effort of both husband and wife to
make the home the dearest place on earth to them, and when that is accomplished,
connubial happiness is certainly achieved. It is often that the best-meant
efforts are fruitless, simply because they are driven in the wrong direction,
and the disappointment occurring in consequence of misapplied energy is
full hard to bear; but if the married man or woman would study the wants
and desires of their consorts a little more, and make earnest effort to
supply them, the apple of discord would not be eaten in so many instances.
I cannot too strongly impress the importance of
fidelity. Could I have but one word of advice to give to the conjugal
pair, I would say: -- "Be true to each other." Disloyalty in the
marriage bond is the cause of infinite trouble, misery, and ruin.
It is the rock upon whose ugly and jagged contour lie the wrecks of numberless
matrimonial vessels. Fidelity is the rudder that guides the bark
safely through the course, let adversity and all else assail her, as long
as not without her rudder, she will out-ride the storms, and glide triumphantly
and peacefully along in smooth water. Disloyalty pitches her at once
into the breakers, where she will pitch and toss, heave and thump, and
should she even escape, it is only at the expense of important appendages,
and most frequently the best directed efforts will not save her from utter
ruin.
It is not only the duty of physicians, but of every
one who has the welfare of society at heart, to put their voices against
the doctrine of "free love," which has of late been promulgated and defended
by certain persons who wish to make it a matter of creed or principle of
society. It is to the shame of the sex that the majority of its adherents
are women, in whom virtue is supposed to have its staunchest defenders
and supporters. It is not ostensibly advanced in advocacy of unrestraint
in cohabitation, but if thoroughly analyzed, its objective principle amounts
to the same. It is a scortatory love at best, and its tendency is
to give still greater laxity to the morals of society. It is veiled
under the sophistical dogma that every woman, if she desires to become
a mother, should be privileged to select her own male to be the father,
and that every man should be licensed to choose the woman he desires to
be the mother of his progeny. This, they advocate, would insure higher
development of the race, and that mankind would soon be superior in intellectual,
moral, and physical qualifications. The fact is undeniable that a
superior offspring would be the result, if the most eligible individuals
would copulatively unite, but it could never be accomplished by licensed
libertinism. It can only be gained by judicious marriage, and in
no other way. If the doctrine of unrestraint they promulgate is best
adapted to promote higher development of offspring, it would naturally
be exemplified in the issue of those who "loved not wisely, but too well,"
or in those of the lowest grades of society or savage races where chastity
is unknown as a virtue. All the principles of free love characterize such
an intercourse; but it has yet to be ascertained whether such progeny are
in any respect superior; on the contrary, it is quite probable that they
are in many respects inferior. This may be, however, accounted for
by the mental emotions of the mother, which are naturally caused by grief,
fear, shame, etc. If, even, such unfavorable mental emotions could
be removed by sanction from society for such issue, the case would not
be modified to a more favorable extent than is now possible by legitimization
of offspring by marriage. They also prate of "affinities" and spiritual
attraction; but let the candid and virtuous mind investigate the full import
of these cohesions, he will find that the spirit of attraction is the cohesive
power of gratification of the animal passions. The hideous form of
lechery is veiled with but the thinnest gauze; and disguise it as they
will, they cannot hide the fact that it is lewdness, and not virtue, which
they attempt to honor. The doctrine, if philosophically reviewed,
presents no advantages over marriage, but is one pregnant with defects
and immoralities, and if carried into effect would unmistakably prove itself
to be the death blow to morality and civilization. The barrier to
promiscuity is to be made even more impregnable, and the sacred precinct
of the prerogative legitimatized by marriage is not to be over-stepped
by the husband or suffered to be invaded by the wife. Lechery has
never been, nor can never become a standard principle of moral philosophy,
and "free love" is but its synonym.
Is it a consoling picture to those with whom moral
rectitude is a cardinal principle to see disloyalty to the marriage-tie
openly and shamelessly displayed? Is it ennobling to man's moral
nature to cut loose the shackles put upon him by a well-organized society
with regard to his conduct in amorous matters? Can it be justified
by the most liberal views of right and wrong? Unalterably, no; the
man who comes to the abode of his wife, with his lips tainted by contact
with others, and yet excited by an unlawful orgasm, commits the greatest
offence against his wife, against nature, and against high heaven.
The wife who receives the embraces of an unsuspecting husband, while at
the same time she is guilty of illicit dealings with others, is worse than
the lowest prostitute, and is entitled to no sympathy or condonement.
It is only by the most scrupulous adherence to the loyalty that should
be observed by man and wife, that marital happiness is to be gained or
maintained; infringement is the element of its decay and destruction.
Jealousy is one of the most common visitors at the
hearth of a family and is a great destroyer of its peace. Entertained
to a moderate degree it is quite natural, but when it becomes a morbid
feeling, it is worthy of severe denunciation. The exhibition of slight
jealousy is an unerring manifestation of love, and should be accepted as
such by either man or wife. We are jealous of what we love, and unconcerned
only about that which we do not appreciate, therefore a certain degree
of jealousy entertained by the husband or wife in respect to each other
should be elevating to their pride, respectively, and not condemned as
a sickly sentimentality. It is only when it becomes a ruling passion
that it exerts mischief and discord. When it is so morbid that it
becomes a matter of dislike and reproach for the husband to bestow but
the ordinary civilities of social intercourse to the opposite sex, or for
the wife to receive them, it amounts to but little more than insanity.
If the wife is so jealous as to impugn all the motives of the husband,
that he dare not even look askance at any other woman, that to speak with
other women subject him to one of those infinitely pleasant curtain-lectures,
and his personal liberty denied to him with regard to social intercourse,
it is then that it becomes disruptive to marital felicity; for the husband,
if erring though he be, will surely chafe under the injustice which she
will be sure to commit. On the other hand, the jealous husband is
just as extravagant in his folly, and instead of guarding his wife's love,
takes the best means of repelling it. Confidence, not suspicion,
should be the controlling motive, and its mutual entertainment should not
be disregarded until the most indubitable proofs are presented to guarantee
a disbelief of the partner's honor. Then, if you have bombshells,
set them off; but even then, I think, it would comport more with reason
and dignity, if the error could be calmly adjudicated, and if that is impossible,
a quiet and dignified separation is unquestionably the best course.
Reproach, recrimination, and parade of the cause of disruption before the
public are by no means a philosophic action, or part of an honorable conduct.
It is so with all matrimonial differences, they should not be made public
property, for they will surely become disgusting scandal before the scandal-loving
people, to be found in every community, are done with them. It will
receive such additions, and will be so manipulated and distorted, that,
which at its fountain-head was but a peccadillo, will at its terminus be
magnified into the greatest crime. What was at first but a slight
immorality, is sure to become at the end the grossest violation of decency.
If Mr. John Smith in a playful moment is found to kiss Mrs. Sarah Jones,
the critics of society will wink and blink, they will hem and haw, look
wise, toss their heads superciliously, and before they have ceased their
comments, there will be no doubt in their minds but that Mr. Smith and
Mrs. Jones were found in flagrante delicto.
Finally, when the scandal has assumed its worst aspect,
some order-loving Christian (!) will with considerable embellishment acquaint
Mrs. Smith of her husband's crime, and Mrs. Jones of his wife's sins, and
then comes the sequel. The fact would scarcely produce a ruffle,
at best but a gentle breeze, but the monster created by scandal producs
the commotion of a tornado. Then these vampires who feed upon the
peace and reputation of society are satisfied, but they at all times go
round like "roaring lions seeking whom they may devour." It is to
these scandal-mongers that matrimonial infelicity is often due, from the
fact that a husband or a wife may be guided by their opinion rather than
to rely implicitly upon each other's honor. If respect is shown to
scandal connubial peace is at a discount. The only way to circumvent
it, is to isolate adjustment of differences to the family circle, and not
allow it to be the property of the unconcerned. The advice of disinterested
and honorable people may at times be very serviceable, and not to be disregarded,
but to array any or every matrimonial variance before the public for their
comments is reprehensibly imprudent and foolish.
It is, however, not to be understood that selfishness
should extend to social intercourse with the neighbors, for next to an
affectionate family an agreeable neighborhood and good society become objects
of desire, because calculated to create happiness. As far as friendship
is not abused it should be freely given to the neighbors, and it should
be the endeavor of every one to make the relations of a neighborhood of
a most friendly and accommodating character. How consoling it is
to the bride, who leaves the bosom of her own family and accompanies her
husband to a locality where all are strangers, to find in her new home
neighbors who manifest a friendly spirit, and are willing to extend cordial
greetings to the stranger. She is at once set at ease. The
duty that families owe to society is only second in importance to the duty
that husband and wife owe to each other, and domestic happiness is not
complete unless its social surroundings are congenial and agreeable.
An ascetic married life is abusive of the order of nature.
The conjugal pair should in reality be helpmates.
They should (to use a homely phrase) pull in one direction, and, if the
direction is proper and right, pull together. The combination of
similar forces has a two-fold effect, but forces opposed to each other
weakens one and annuls the other, or brings them both to a quietus.
This simple law of physics is peculiarly applicable to the behavior of
the married pair. A harmonious progress requires a combination of
purpose and exertion. If the husband is devoted to literature or
science, the wife should manifest interest in the same, but if her taste
is not for either, she should by no means show displeasure at her husband's
devotion to them. It is her duty, in case of improvidence on his
part in consequence of his studies, to ask him to improve his negligence,
but never in a tone of anger or reproach. The husband should, in
like manner, never frown upon any of his wife's delights. If she
is devoted to flowers, to music, to painting, etc., it should be he that
should stimulate by approval. In case the husband is desirous to
accumulate a fortune, and exerts himself to that effect, the wife should
not dispirit him, or render his efforts abortive by extravagance.
If he is not successful, or fails in business, she should be his comforter
and stimulate him to further exertion; and in case the manner of living
will in consequence be rendered less luxurious, she should exhibit such
a contentment and willingness as to rob the misfortune of half its bitterness.
The noble wife is one who does not sink under the crucial test of her husband's
misfortunes, but rises to a higher mount of greatness and action by her
cheerful resignation to the loss, and encouragement to her husband's drooping
spirits. The husband should ever be ready with his approving smiles
to cheer his wife's labors, even if to him it appears but a trivial affair.
Woman only thrives under the approbation of man, and if that is withheld,
especially from the one whom she values most, she soon becomes purposeless
and fretful. How many a good wife's heart has been wounded by her
husband's indifference with regard to matters which she in her simplicity
of heart hoped would delight her companion? It may be but a trifle,
but so exceedingly tender is the plant of connubial love, and so susceptible
of being lacerated, that "trifles light as air" often impede its growth
and embitter its fruit. It is the "little foxes that spoil the vines."
A single tart remark or unkind tone of voice will penetrate the inner recesses
of the heart of the wife who loves, and render her most wretched.
Oneness should be particularly exhibited in purpose and design, the respective
action should be one of accord and the faculties of each other should be
mutually gratified. It is only by such a concert that love is perpetuated
and wedlock made an Elysium.
If the husband or wife have vices, the conduct to
be pursued is peculiarly delicate. If it is judicious, the vice may
be corrected; if otherwise, the habit may become intensified. If
the husband is intemperate, the wife should address his highest sentiments,
and not attempt to bring about repentance and reform by angry reproach,
unkind remarks, or undignified aspersions. No one has a keener sense
of his depravity than the drunkard, and he is by no means dead to the finer
sensibilities, hence any inhumane treatment, or reproof insulting to inherent
dignity, is not calculated to achieve reformation. He is to be approached
as a man, his nobility is to be addressed, and his better feelings excited.
He is to be shown that he is none the less loved for his noble qualities,
that aside from his folly he is still the being who possesses his wife's
affections, and that only his vice and not he himself is abhorred.
It is only by such a procedure that vices, or a disposition to vice, can
be cured. It is the mild and gentle force that works reform, revolutions
scarcely ever do.
We have now in many aspects considered the prudent
course for the conjugal pair to pursue in search of wedded bliss.
We have confined ourselves merely to their social relation, there yet remains
for us to discuss a not less important subject, namely, that of connubial
commerce. From what we have already written the inference is plain,
that we advocate a dignified conduct, benignity of temper, subjection of
anger, co-operation of purpose, etc., etc., and though there may be, nay,
are, many other rocks upon which the matrimonial bark will impinge, the
reflective mind will be guided in his behavior in every possible contingency
by what we have more lengthily dwelt upon. The indices to marital
happiness are reason, prudence, justice, and equality, and they who shape
their course by them must attain the object. It shall now be our
purpose to consider a subject that is not less important, and much less
understood. In its discussion we will confine ourselves to particulars
which married people mostly inquire after, and in which they need the most
enlightenment.
The discussison of this delicate relation between
the married pair is necessary, inasmuch as the unprofessional have access
to scarcely any work of standard value and excellence from which they may
gather the knowledge so indispensable, unless they are fortunate enough
to have the privilege of reading the works of an extensive medical library.
Even if this opportunity is afforded, the truth is not clearly presented
to them, as such works are intended usually for the professional reader.
I, therefore, am confident that I discharge an important duty, especially
as I write particularly for the instruction of the popular mind, in presenting
to my many readers the philosophy of that relation legitimatized by marriage.
In consideration of the subject, I shall employ plain but decorous language,
and attempt to present the facts so that they may be intelligible to all,
and yet not wound any of the finer sensibilities of my readers. I
have previously stated my aim to be merely to afford instruction to the
masses relative to such medical subjects as have never been capably popularized,
but have been , and are yet a theme on which incompetent charlatans have
so ignorantly dwelt upon, and disseminated so much offensive literature.
The medical profession is to blame for this. If they had not neglected
to teach the popular mind the physiology of cohabitation, empirics would
have found no market for their offensive and pernicious works, excepting,
perhaps, among the morally depraved.
The married, which I positively know from the many
opportunities afforded me in my professional career, are extremely ignorant
of the philosophy and physiology appertaining to the special connubial
relation, and absolutely know nothing of the hygienic limit or period.
I know also that every married man and woman is extremely anxious to possess
proper knowledge. As the access to works of scientific authority
is extremely limited, they are led to accept the teachings of ignorant
empirics, and thus unwittingly do much that is wrong and hurtful.
The diffidence characterizing the marital pair to interrogate the family
physician as to the proper course to pursue, also tends to keep them in
ignorance. It is only when the abuse of the marital privilege becomes
painfully apparent that the physician feels warranted to interpose his
cautions, and counsel reform and moderation. This, however, occurs
only in exceptional instances, the great majority are uninformed and unadvised,
controlled only by self-interpretation of the right or wrong of their conduct,
or by such information as is commonly possessed by the heads of families,
which is often traditional, and usually faulty in its conclusions.
To supply, then, in a medical work for general circulation,
the proper instruction as regards the important marital relation alluded
to, needs no further justification, but every person actuated by a catholic
spirit will, I am sure, deem the discussion eminently appropriate.
The underlying purpose of wedded association is of greater importance than
half who assume the relation are aware of. Marriage implies much
more than a mere association of the sexes--it is rather an institution
devised by society to regulate cohabitation and the propogation of species
in the best manner. This is the only legitimate purpose of marriage,
as aside from this relation between the sexes, every other one could be
secured and maintained without matrimonial ties or obligations. Any
system of rules or regulations subserving the purpose of controlling this
particular marital relation so as to accord with the best known laws of
physiology and hygiene, and best adapted for the requirements of propogation
of the species, so that offspring will not be recklessly brought into the
world, but calculated to secure to it the highest possible endowment of
all the nobler human qualities, is decidedly the best marriage code.
As an institution, marriage should be governed more by the physiological
laws than by statute regulations, and the time may yet come when wilful
disregard of physiological laws applicable to the matrimonial association
of the sexes will be regarded as reprehensible or criminal as the violation
of the statute laws governing the instutution. It is then quite important
that those in marriage as well as those who contemplate matrimonial alliance,
should possess adequate knowledge of the incumbent duties, contemplate
the dignity and importance of wedlock, endeavor to promote the grand interests
and welfare which the marital pair have at stake, avoid animalization and
debasement of the connubial repast, endeavor to fitly endow their offspring,
and so conduct themselves throughout the whole course of wedded association,
that they may be rewarded with all the manifold blessings that should be
gained by the grandest and closest association of human interests, purposes,
and hearts.
It should never be forgotten by the married that
our passions can be over-indulged precisely the same as our appetites.
Hygiene requires that our appetites for food or drink should only be appeased
to such an extent as will not create a loathing for that which was eaten
or drunk, upon quitting the repast. If indulgence is carried to such
a extent it amounts to intemperance and will be followed by the usual consequences
of violation of hygienic law. It is precisely so with the marital
repast: if the relation is assumed too frequently the temperate limit will
be over-reached and hurtful consequences ensue. Excess is not only
deleterious because destructive of the natural tone of the excitement,
generative of nervous disorder, and other hurtful consequences; it is extremely
apt to engender indifference after a certain period on the part of either
or both of the conjugal pair. By indifference I mean to express that
feeling of insatiety after indulgence, that want of mutual accord, or sense
of unsatisfactory awakening of the emotions, which is sure to follow excesses.
The desires are present but cannot be satisfactorily appeased, precisely
as an appetite for a certain article or kind of food remains unsatiated
if not within reach to be partaken of. This condition, directly a
sequal to immoderation, is one of the greatest incentives to adultery.
I am well satisfied that this unpardonable violation of matrimonial trust
and fidelity is, in the majority of instances, due to neglect of observing
temperance in the early years of marriage. The results of coitive
intemperance should thus be strongly impressed upon the minds of every
one married or contemplating marriage, as by moderation they will surely
attain a higher altitude of connubial enjoyment, besides avoiding the violation
of the highest and purest of all human trusts which if committed, is irreparably
destructive of the integrity of matrimonial alliance.
The married pair should carefully guard against all
excesses. Excess of connubial commerce is a severe tax to the nervous system,
and very detrimental to health. The class of diseases met with by
the physician, of which the remote cause is immoderation, is scarcely second
to none in frequency. Besides, the orgasm is less profound if the
banquet is too freely partaken of. The physician is frequently asked
the question how often intercourse may be indulged in without injury.
To this no answer can be given with numerical preciseness; but both sexes
possess an unerring monitor, whose voice they should promptly heed.
Whenever a sense of exhaustion is felt, after copulation, the violation
of a physiological law is made manifest. No coitive act should be
complete when it requires fatiguing efforts to accomplish it. It
is sure to be followed by exhaustion, and the orgasm is neither elevating
or satisfactory, and apt to generate an inharmony quite antagonistic to
the designs of nature.
Frequency of indulgence does not only deteriorate
the moral tone of the coitive act, but it often provides the germinal agencies
of serious diseases. The remote cause of insanity and consumption
is not infrequently intemperance in marital union. The children who
are the products of the earlier periods of married life, at which time
coitive intemperance is most frequently indulged, are more mentally imbecile,
and more pallid in hue and attenuated in form than those born at a later
period. This is in consequence, that, sooner or later, the parents
are forced to abstain from excess by the ensuing ruination of health, allowing
nature to gather up the shattered powers and assert anew the control of
the organism. In the early years of marriage excesses should therefore,
by no means transpire.
During the period of the catamenial presence, strict
continence must be observed by the conjugal pair. I should not give
this caution were I not aware that in many instances the marital prerogative
is thus grievously abused. Propriety and privilege in this respect
are particularly at variance, and duty demands observance of propriety.
During the period of pregnancy the husband's conduct
should be characterized by kindness, forbearance, and encouragement.
While the germ of an immortal being is in her loins, that husband is no
more than a brute, who would in any way neglect her wishes, or refuse to
join with her in the solicitude for its welfare. The expectant mother
must also control every appetite or mental passion that might injure the
precious trust committed to her. The best and noblest thoughts should
occupy her mind, and the purest sentiments prevail in her heart, while
the babe is hid beneath it, so that her shortcomings and caprices may not
be communicated to the product of her conception. She should be,
and her husband should assist her to be, patient under any weariness or
sorrow belonging to her condition. She should strengthen her heart
against the hour of her labor with the thoughts of joy she shall feel,
when her child shall see the light, and the process of maternity fulfilled.
It is she who bore and in agony gave birth to the link that unites the
parents all the more closely together, and that strengthens the hymeneal
compact. To her the husband owes devotion, allegiance, and comforting
encouragement. He must make her feel that the joys of maternity are
not to be centered entirely in the little helpless babe nestling in her
arms, but also her heart is to be rejoiced in witnessing the paternal pride
of the product of connubial union--the jewel of their conjoint love.
The component parts of the family are then complete, the husband, the wife,
and the child, nothing is wanting but the coupling of energy and intent,
to procure the highest share of human bliss to abe obtained on this side
of the grave.
The author is prompted, but space will not allow,
to give at length his views upon the management of children. On this point
husband and wife frequently disagree, and the result of the disagreement
is manifested in the child. It is more usually the case that the
father is sterner and firmer than the mother, in whose heart the tender
elements of humanity prevail. It is, however, not necessary to be
stern in the management of children, but an unflinching firmness is at
all times essential, and absolutely necessary in both parents to gain a
healthy control over their children. Firmness must, however, be exhibited
in the same direction, and that direction the right one.
There is a tendency, we think, at the present day
to put children too forward, not so much for the sake of showing off their
extraordinary merits to an admiring world, as from the better motive of
early accustoming them to the conversation of grown people and the usages
of society, and of inspiring them with confidence, ease, and self-possession.
No doubt these results are very valuable, but the mistake which many people
make is in forgetting that children are something like dogs, which require
to be very well trained before they can safely be recommended to the familiarity
of strangers. And it is to be remembered that the moment children
cease to respect any of the grown-up people with whom they associate, not
only is the whole benefit of the intercourse lost at once, but real injury
is inflicted on the moral tone of the child. For this reason children
should be brought as little as possible into the society of men and women
who cannot command their respect; while those who can, the influence should
be hedged round by all the numerous impalpable barriers which judicious
parents know perfectly well how to interpose between children and the most
popular and careless of their adult play-fellows. The confidences
which well-bred children at once repose in an eligible stranger, without
being rude or troublesome, is charming to everybody, who has any natural
taste for their society. It is not pleasant, on the other hand, to
see children who are shy, timid, and sheepishly speechless in the presence
of strangers, but a confidence and unobtrusive case of manners can be inspired
without thrusting them constantly into the society of elders.
Closely allied with the mistaken license allowed
to children in matters like the above, is the disposition to laugh at,
and thereby to encourage, all traits of singularity, oddness or affectation,
which children may exhibit, as marks of genius which ought not to be repressed.
Of all the dangerous errors into which parents can fall, this, in our opinion,
is the worst. For nothing so soon hardens into second nature as juvenile
eccentricity; and few things are more injurious to success in life than
marked oddities of manner and gesture when they reach the point of grotesqueness.
The fond parents dote upon the eccentric child as an original, but the
author in this respect agrees perfectly with Mr. Peter Magnus; he does
not see the necessity of originals. And what is more, so many "originals"
are only sham ones after all. That is to say, their singularity is
merely a bad habit which they can't shake off, and is only very partially
innate. When parents see their child doing anything unlike other
children, anything queer, surprising, or uncouth, however comic or however
clever it may seem, they should never laugh at or applaud it. Children
naturally self-willed, and with real natural peculiarities, can soon be
broken of such tricks, if treated with absolute indifference. But
soon let the idea find its way into their brains that such sallies, naughty
though they be, are regarded as marks of genius, and the mischief is done.
It is not necessary that parents should engage harsh reproof or exhibit
anger to correct such pertness or disposition to oddity, but if approbation
is withheld, and probably displeasure shown, the mischief will soon be
corrected. Children, like their elders, delight in approbation, and
if they can only secure it by doing what is right and proper, the inclination
to do that which is wrong or displeasing, is robbed of its greatest incentive.
To come back to the point from which we started --
the management, namely, of young children--there is one thing to be laid
down: let there be no divided rule in a house. Do not let children
see that the father means one thing and the mother another in their bringing
up. They see the difference in a moment, and when they do, farewell
to all wholesome parental influence. The starting-point of ruined
manhood or womanhood, in many cases, is just this diversity of parental
control. That mother urges her child towards destruction who offers
condolence to it, after reproof or correction by the father, no matter
how harsh or cruel it may have been. Such matters must be corrected
by conference, at which the children are not present. She is not
to show any displeasure at the exercise of authority by the father in the
presence of the child; if she does, the child's self-will is gratified
by a mother's alliance, and a certain importance is given to the improper
conduct of the child, which, in accordance with the human liability to
err, is hard to resist. The parents in this respect must be the allies,
not the children with the father and mother.
Husbands and mothers may talk too freely before their
children, forgetful of their rising intelligence. And, indeed, nothing
is more common than to get a wink from the head of the house, implying
that you are to be on your guard before Johnny or Tommy, Kitty or Lucy,
who are listening open-mouthed to your witty narrative, while they themselves
in the next moment will offend against their own precautions in the most
barefaced manner by plunging headlong into your domesetic controversy,
in which, to speak metaphorically, knives are freely used on both sides.
Again, parents should be extremely careful in commenting upon the conduct
of their neighbors in the society of their children, or that self-same
Tom will at the first opportunity acquaint neighbor Jones that, in the
opinion of his father, "he is a confounded old fool;" or the same little
Kitty will tell Mrs. Robinson that her mother says she is a "lazy, good-for-nothing
woman." Trouncing Tommy or Kitty for such imprudence is hardly fair,
when the fault lies at the door of the parents. At best, it gives
children but a poor example, and instills within them a disrespect of the
neighbors, which, probably, they do not deserve, and which may in later
years possibly stand in the way of individual advancement. Parents,
in rearing their children, have a greater trust than is commonly supposed,
and they owe a double duty -- one to the child, and the other to society
in general. If the child is inclined to vice, the fault lies in many
cases with the parents, and the right to thrust upon society either a son
or daughter who will constitute but a useless or vicious member thereof,
is not properly one of the privileges of humanity. No man has the
right to set at large a lot of ferocious animals, who, in the exercise
of their ferocity, may do harm to his fellow-men; neither has that parent
a moral right to send adrift in the world sons and daughters, who, in the
exercise of the vicious culture they have received, prove annoying and
harmful to their fellow-beings. There is no deeper stratum of thought
in moral economy than this, and none that receives less attention.
It is to mothers that society and mankind are indebted
for its morality and uprightness. By her efforts the only real work
of reformation can be achieved. The training of children is mainly
intrusted to her hands; if her duty is properly performed, the moral tone
of society is to be placed to her credit; if carelessly and imprudently
attended to, she is the one that is mainly accountable for its vices.
It may seem a cruelty to add to the travails of maternity and to her household
duties the further responsibility of rearing the moral structure of society;
but who is to assume it, if she be not the proper person? The child
is, to a certain age, mainly in her presence alone, and this association
cannot be shirked or changed; for it is true to a natural law that the
mother is to be the closest companion of her children. It is during
this period of companionship that the foundation of the moral superstructure
is to be laid, and the mother must be the artisan. She may be aided
by her husband and others; but the chief duty to form and direct is her
own, and the structure she rears, whether good or bad, is her work.
Her duty to her offspring commences at the moment
of conception. While the product is yet hidden within the confines
of her womb she must have its future welfare at heart, and lend her thoughts
only upon that which is good and noble. She should in her mind select
the career of the child, and that such a one that is characterized by all
the noble qualities, and freedom from vices. Who can gainsay the
fact that when the babe is assuming its physical character, while yet in
the mysterious depth of the gravid womb, that the mother is not enabled
by the purity of her thoughts and exalted character of her emotions to
give it also the endowment of its moral character? Who will deny
that the transmission of hereditary qualities give the original bias, which
subsequent to birth is hard to overcome? The law of transmitting
talent and virtue from mother to child is based on physiological principles,
as demonstrable as material matter. I would then say to every expectant
mother: Let your thoughts be good, your emotions pure, your imaginations
morally exalted; be brave, be strong, be good, and centre all and only
the purest feelings upon that helpless atom of humanity reposing in your
womb, so that at the hour of your labor you are fortified against its agony
by the consciousness that the babe you usher into the world is endowed
with qualities, which, by subsequent development and culture, will enable
it, when of proper years, to take its place among the good and noble of
this earth.
Subsequent to birth the mother must continue her
efforts. She must impose barriers against everything that has an
unwholesome influence on the moral tone of her child. She must not
intrust the training of her precious darlings to nurses or governesses.
A mother who reposes the development of character of her children to salaried
persons is prostituting the high estate of maternity, and sins against
Nature and her God. It is she who must take the hand of the child
while yet in the innocence, and lead it in the path of virtue and truth;
her hand must remove all the lures and seductive temptations that beset
its path, and she alone must assume the cultivation of its moral nature.
Men may build prisons, asylums, reformatories, create
midnight missions, etc., but reformation by these means is uncertain, expensive,
and at best very ineffectual. It is the hardened criminal they deal
with -- one in whom vice has become the second nature. No real reformation
is accomplished by any such means, none will ever ensue; and as long as
mothers are not alive to the importance of properly training the pliant
child, vice will increase and baffle every other mode of reformation.
One wiser than myself has said -- "Train up a child in a way he should
go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." The truth of
this is self-evident, and is supported by another, whose figurative language
is equally truthful --
"As the twig is bent the tree's inclined."
It is, therefore, the mother who must nourish the
truth in her arms, so that when it leaves them it will walk strongly forth
alone, blessing and blest of all men.
ADVICE TO THE CHILDREN
The most impressive words in the whole range of language
are Father and Mother. Their fill significance is only realized and
understood when the prattling babe stretches out its tiny arms and first
lispingly pronounces the tender words. The heart must, indeed, be
dead to all emotion, which at that moment does not pulsate with pride and
exalted love. The first words taught to it, and the first words learned,
are those tender names, and the proudest moment of the whole of parentage
is when the lesson is learned by, and let fall from, the lips of the smiling
babe. The soul is elevated above material things, the tenderest chords
of love are vibrated, the joys of the world but this one are forgotten,
and the whole heart embraces but the innocent babe that sprung from their
loins. The entity of the family is incomplete without children, and
the action of its machinery is unharmonious without those little wheels.
The integrity is faulty in the absence of offspring; it is like the pillar
of which the capital and pedestal exist, but the shaft is wanting to give
it dignity. The childless family is not a pleaseant one to contemplate;
the husband and wife grow old, but there is no young life to inspirit them,
or to give cheer to their existence. Childless longevity is at best but
a dismal life -- there is always an aching void -- a palpable evidence
of a lacking integer. Barrenness is a condition from which every
woman instinctively recoils. The desire for children may or may not
be entertained, yet to know that she is incapable of motherhood is to know
that she is lacking in the most important element of womanhood. It
is a physical condition abhorrent to every female, because she feels that
she is beneath the dignity that distinctively characterizes her sex.
Motherhood is the ideal state of womanhood, and the yearning for maternity
is one born of nature. The woman in whose bosom such a desire makes
no response is unworthy of her sex, and she deserves none of the elevated
joys and honor which woman is sent here to achieve, and she will reap none.
It is the highest honor her sex can reach, as productiveness entitles her
to the proud position of one of the prime factors in the propagation of
species.
None but physicians know how great the desire for
children is in those whose married life has been passed for some time without
issue. To them the secret yearnings of their hearts is intrusted,
and to their confidence is reposed the animated impulse that is ceaselessly
throbbing in the bosom of those whose hearth-stone is desolate, and around
which gathers not a child. The outside world may not know of the
painful vacancy that is ever confronting them, nor the despair that has
possession of their hearts; but the physician, to whose skill they so earnestly
appeal to accomplish the realization of their hope, is ever, and probably
the only confidante. He alone knows the elevation of spirits, the
fulness of pride, and the intensity of satisfaction that is manifested
if he has removed the barrier to productiveness, and that the process of
maternity is in progress. But let him say that the barriers to conception
are insuperable, it causes a painful despondency, and that exquisite anguish
resulting from unappeased yearnings of the soul. It is, however,
a providential ordination that few women are hopelessly barren, and but
few men unprocreative. Circumstances may for a certain time make
them practically unproductive, but such a physical condition can in almost
every case be removed by consistent treatment, and by observing such measures
and precautions tending to promote fruitfulness. The causes of childlessness
with certain married parties are various. It may be due to deformities
of the womb, Fallopian tubes, and ovaries of the female; or testes, spermatic
cord, and of the male organ. The pathological conditions are many,
which occur in both sexes, that produce barrenness, while in some cases
the anatomy of the parts render conception and child-bearing utterly impossible.
It may be caused by stricture of the womb and Fallopian tubes, misplacement
of the tubes, adhesions of the uterine walls, etc., ete, or through malformation,
as occlusion of the vagina, etc. It may also be due to degeneracy
of the testes of the male, epispadias, hypospadias, etc. Conception
may also temporarily be prevented by uterine and ovarian diseases, or to
a diseased condition of the spermatozoids of the male semen. Unproductiveness
is frequently due to a devitalized condition of those animalculoids, in
which state they have no fecundating properties. Sterility, dependent
upon some vicious conformation of the genital organs of either sex, apparent
or concealed, is called absolute. Infecundity, due to the conditions
already enumerated, are absolute causes of sterility, and can only be removed
by medical treatment, which in most cases, if of a rational and appropriate
character, can effectually be accomplished. When a female does not
conceive with one individual, but has or may with another, the condition
is called relative sterility. Relative infecundity is frequently
met with, and in many cases presents such features that the atociac condition
cannot be overcome without calling to aid artificial means. It is
often observed that a woman in her second marriage is sterile who in her
first marriage was prolific in offspring; again, the widower in his first
marriage gave evidence of fecundating power, but in his second alliance
no impregnation ensures. Absolute and relative sterility may exist
at the same time, thus a female may be married to a man who is physically
incapable of impregnating her, yet at the same time the conformation of
her genital organs may be such as to render her absolutely sterile.
It is therefore necessary in all cases of sterility to fully investigate
the causes, both absolute and relative. Sterility in some females
is often dependent upon a condition of the womb characterized by membranous
menstruation. Conception is prevented in such cases by devitalization
of the semen by the vitiated secretion and discharges from the uterine
surface. In all cases of absolute sterility, medical treatment offers
the only hope of obliteration of the causes. The diseases of the
female genitalia which are causative of infecundity must be treated as
required by their pathological character; and it is necessary that such
treatment should be admirably adapted to the conditions of the case, and
most carefully instituted. Such cases should only be intrusted to
physicians who by skill and experience have the requisite ability, and
who are conversant with the precautions that studiously are to be observed.
Improper treatment is exceedingly apt to render sterility an irremediable
condition, which under rational treatment would have resulted in the removal
of all the barrier to impregnation. If the cause lies in the male,
whose formative material is devitalized by a diseased condition of the
fabricating organs, seminiferous ducts, or seminal vesicles, medical treatment
likewise is the only means of making the patient procreative. The
male often renders himself powerless to procreate by imprudence or various
excesses, in which case the semen is not fully organized and deficient
in procreative elements. All these varied conditions of husband and
wife contributing to childlessness are mainly remediable, so that under
the care of an intelligent physician parentage to them is not always a
forlorn hope. The prospect for issue is favorable in most cases under
rational treatment, hence the gloom of the childless need not be perpetual
if they but employ the counsel and aid of the competent physician.
Neglect of so important a duty is very common, the conjugal pair stolidly
agreeing that their childless state is owing to Divine ordinance, little
dreaming that their unproductive union is in opposition to the requirements
of the Deity, and that the fault of non-conception is due to incapacity
and not to dispensation.
Relative sterility is not amenable to medical treatment.
The most common cause of infecundity of this character is the want of adaptation
or fitness of the genital organs of the conjugal pair to each other.
This want of adaptation is a very frequent cause of sterility, and should
receive proper attention by the medical man to whom is intrusted the rectification
of an unproductive union. Of itself, inadaptation may not be the
cause of the atociac condition, but when associated with an atomic condition
of the uterus, procreation rarely, if ever, ensues. It will not be
necessary for me to detail the various forms of inadaptation, as the consideration
of such causes of sterility more immediately concerns the medical attendant,
but it is quite appropriate to make allusion to such causes, as the childless
very properly desire information relative to all possible conditions hindering
fructification. Self-treatment is not to be thought of; but a proper
knowledge of all the physiological or anatomical causes of sterility should
be possessed by all in conjugal association, especially by those who have
not as yet attained the full measure of matrimonial enjoyment, by reason
of an exceptional provision of fate by which their union is left without
the graces and endearments of childhood.
One of the most common causes of barrenness is unquestionably
what has been already alluded to, atony of the womb or appendages; in fact
some pathological condition of the reproductive organs of the female is,
in the large majority of cases, the sole cause. Uterine atony, or
intonicity of the womb, may be of every degree of intensity -- ranging
from a slight feebleness to complete exhaustion -- the latter condition
being known as paralysis of the womb. This atonic state is owing
not to any structural or organic disease of the womb itself, but is merely
a secondary pathological condition, the actual seat of the disorder being
in the sacral plexus, or that nervous net-work situated near the sacrum,
from which the genital organs receive their nervous supply.
A paralyzed condition of the womb is aptly illustrated by a paralyzed arm
or leg; the loss of natural power, motion, or functions resulting from
a diseased condition of some cerebral or spinal nerve-centre, and not from
any morbid condition of the part affected. In all cases, therefore,
where the cause of sterility has been ascertained to be uterine paralysis,
the proper treatment is to restore the tonic powers of the sacral plexus.
This is best accomplished by the intelligent application of the electric
or galvanic current, or by the employment of the appropriate cerebro-spinal
tonics and other medicinal agents. The treatment is, however, to
be intrusted to careful, able, and experienced physicians.
The physiological function of the womb, favoring
the transmission of the male formative material from the os uteri to the
ovarium, is a certain suction power or intro-staltic motion. This
is accompllished by short and wave-like contractions upward of the uterine
muscles. In a paralyzed condition of the womb, which is usually of
a chronic character, there is a complete absence of this uterine motion,
and consequently the respective formative materials necessary for procreation
never come in contact.
Membranous menstruation has already been stated as
one of the causes of sterility. This painful affection is characterized
by either partial or complete denudation of the uterine cavity of its mucous
covering at each menstrual period, leaving the uterine walls in an abraded
condition, entirely unfitted for the purposes of gestation. Conception
may, however, take place in these cases, but at the arrival of the first
period for the occurrence of the menstrual exacerbation, the placenta and
membranes are dislodged with the mucous membrane.
The childless wife will note that a pathological
or abnormal condition of her pelvic organs is relatively the most frequent
cause of sterility, all of the affections being characterized by more or
less gravity and requiring the most appropriate and energetic treatment
in order to restore the organs to health, and at the same time establish
functional integrity and maternal capacity. As most of these uterine
affections result from a wilful disregard of the laws of health, slavish
obedience to the behests of fashion, and bad habits in general, the author
hopes that all females, married or unmarried, who properly appreciate the
grandeur of womanhood and motherhood will not wilfully violate physiological
law, but strenuously endeavor to preserve uterine health and integrity
of the maternal capacity.
Congenital phymosis is a condition of the male organ
depriving him of procreative power in nearly every instance. The
intervention of the prepuce in this case arrests the ejaculatory force
of the seminal expenditure, preventing impulsion into the womb. This
deformity is easily obliterated by a surgical operation, which is very
frequently performed in my office. It causes but little pain, no
inconvenience, and heals rapidly. Circumcision among the Jews is
a custom having for its object the removal of this frequent obstacle to
multiplication, as existing in the male. Infecundity, especially
in the earlier years of marriage, is often a consequence of exhaustion,
induced by improper excesses. Intemperate indulgence often renders
both husband and wife, sterile. The semen must, in order to have
procreative perfection, necessarily remain in the seminal vesicles for
a certain time, where its procreatiave qualities are fully developed.
After its escape from the vesicles, it further receives the intermixture
of prostatic fluid, liquefying it to the proper consistence for easy propulsion
into the uterine cavity. Marital excess is therefore preventive of
full procreative quality of the semen. Excessive indulgence on the
part of the wife causes a feebleness of peristaltic motion of the uterine
muscles, or, as it may be otherwise termed, the suction power of the womb.
Feebleness of the upward propelling forces of the womb and Fallopian tubes
is caused by the excesses alluded to, and hence, if even the semen is introduced
within the uterine embrace, the absence of retentive power allows its escape
through the mouth of the womb. Sterility from such cause can only
be overcome by the observance of moderation by the conjugal pair, and in
most cases restorative medical treatment becomes also a necessity.
The most susceptible period for the occurrence of
conception is immediately after the complete cessation of the menstrual
flow. This susceptibility continues for eight or ten days, but is
necessarily greatest at an early period after the menstrual discharge.
The menstrual flow in its discharge carries away all obstructions that
exist in the mouth of the womb, thus facilitating intro-propulsion of the
semen, and the womb at that period has also its greatest tonic power.
It is, however, not to be supposed that conception will not take place
at the period just preceding the menstrual flow; on the contrary, it may
occur at any period between the cessation and onset of the catamenial discharge.
It will thus be seen that many causes, both absolute
and relative, tend to sterility. In but few cases, however, is sterility
a fixed fact, or an irremediable condition. The greatest triumphs
achieved by the medical profession were in the study of the causes of sterility,
and the best means for their removal. No physician, alive to the
importance and exalted character of his calling, should neglect the study
of the subject; on the contrary, he should be conversant with all the pathological
features sterility presents, and be able to intelligently ascertain the
causes. An important trust is confided to his professional care;
the intensest longing capable of the human heart depends upon his
skill, either to be appeased or unrequited. Professional acumen is
in no respect more essential than in this, and the medical counsellor,
unworthy of the trust by reason of imperfect knowledge of the subject,
does a grievous wrong by attempting treatment, or venturing decisive advice.
The childless pair should at all times seek the most intelligent counsel
and most competent treatment, and not allow themselves to become victims
of despondency before they have made such a definite attempt.
The author has devoted much time and study upon this
subject, feeling that no greater field of usefulness is presented to the
physician for the exercise of his skill and professional attainments.
The success attained in this sphere of professional activity has only been
gained at the expense of laborious study and by the advantages conferred
by extensive practice. Competence can only gained by study and experience
in every subject of intelligence -- proficiency being only the reward of
intellectual labor and opportunity for exercise of the secured knowledge.
The author will gladly give advice to those to whom
this chapter refers, being justified by previous success and long professional
experience to give proper and definite advice and appropriate treatment.
Those desiring to avail themselves of such an opportunity are referred
to page 390 for guidance as to the proper information to submit for my
consideration.
IMPOTENCE OF THE MALE
By this is generally considered the inability to
engage in the virile act. It essentially signifies a loss of the
virile powers. Impotency may be either partial or complete, and,
like sterility, absolute, and relative. The term impotence is frequently
used synonomously with sterility, but, as sterility has been considered
in another place, we shall discuss the subject in this place only in the
sense implying loss of capacity.
The loss of virile power is owing to a variety of
causes. The process of loss in idiopathic cases is usually slow,
though in some cases invirility ensues quite rapidly. When due to
traumatic causes virile power is lost synchronously with the occurrence
of the injury. Impotence usually follows injuries received by the
spine and base of the brain, but in these cases the loss is not of itself
a pathological disorder, but essentially symptomatic of the injury.
The most common cause of impotence is nervous debility,
apparent or concealed and unsuspected. It is the usual sequel to
that disease, if it is allowed an unchecked career, manifesting itself
at first by a slight incapacity, but which gradually progresses until finally
the virile power is completely lost. That impotence is the inevitable
result to nervous debility is quite natural, the ceaseless waste of such
a vital element of the male economy as semen can have no other finality.
The general disturbance of the nervous system caused by involuntary spermatic
losses is manifested first in the virile organs, as the erectile property
of the organ, purely a nervous phenomenon, and consequently any function
so directly under the control of nervous power as the erectile quality
is the one first to succumb to nervous disorganization. Impotence
in such cases is, therefore, due to feebleness or insufficiency of the
nervous stimuli necessary to provoke a copulative aspect of the male organ.
This condition of invirility is also caused by immoderate indulgence, the
pathological disorder produced being in all respects the same as that following
seminal incontinence, though as a general thing masculine power is lost
less rapidly.
Spinal and cerebral diseases are usually associated
with a low condition of the virile power. This manifestation is quite
in accordance with the physiological laws governing the virile functions,
as it will be remembered that the nervous supply that the organs of generation
receive is the pudental nerve, which arises from the sacral plexus.
The nerve and branches afford the requisite stimuli necessary to promote
congestion of the organ, which phenomenon constitutes an erection.
The brain gives the necessary sensory stimulus, without which the nerves
are not excited to action. Phrenologists place amativeness in the
lower lobe of the cerebellum, but it is quite probable that its locality,
though most evidently in the base of the brain, is not in that situation,
as analogy will not comport with such a view. Observation teaches
that the chanticleer is the most amorous of animals, yet anatomists find
no lower lobe of the cerebellum in the brain of the fowl. External
violence, however, upon the sacral and occipital regions usually cause
virile imbecility, and hence we know that a healthy condition of the base
of the brain and sacral plexus is necesssary to the existence of virility.
Diseases, excessive study, intemperate use of tobacco, violent and prolonged
grief, etc., are therefore causes of impotency, from the fact that the
cerebral disorganization which follows produces inertia of the nervous
stimuli. Apoplexy is also a cause of temporary impotence, in consequence
of the paralysis of the sacral plexus ensuing. It is therefore vitally
important that in the consideration of any case of impotence every predisposing
cause should receive attention, so that restorative efforts are based upon
correct principles. No pathological condition requires such nicety
of treatment as impotence, and none that will so readily be remedied if
the medication is thoroughly adapted to the case. Although impotence
is the usual concomitant to long-continued seminal losses, my experience
teaches me that a fair proportion of impotent cases are the results of
habits and practices which are perfectly legitimate, and to which no shadow
of blame or disgrace can be properly attached. It is a well-established
fact that too much mental application, also constant confinement within
doors in a vitiated atmosphere, or habitual or sudden exposure to heats
and colds, or the destroying influences of extreme grief and care, will
produce all the evil effects upon the mental and physical organization
that are caused by and attributed to solitary habits. Nervous debility,
which is quite a common and comprehensive name for all failures of the
intellectual or physical organs or faculties to perform their functions
properly, is originated and nurtured, in both sexes, by a variety of causes
as countless as the leaves of the forest. Consequently, people should
not be backward about making their deficiencies of mind or body known to
physicians in such a clear and confidential way as to secure to them the
full restoration of their normal health and vigor. Any course of
life which is inordinately irksome or, involves heavy tasks, is liable
to cause the loss of virile power, or especially in middle age, IMPOTENCY,
which is the aggravated form of the same difficulty. Thus we find
that clergymen, merchants, bookkeepers, literary workers, men who are overtaxed
by care and labor, lawyers, judges, boys confined too closely at school,
young men who seldom take out-of-door exercise, clerks, heads of public
departments, and all others who are constantly wearing and tearing both
mind and body without seeking the neutralizing aid of rest, amusement,
and change of scene, are subjected to some of the numerous ills developed
in disabilities and incapabilities which impose untold suffering.
These ills are the inheritance of everybody physically and mentally over-worked,
no matter in what capacity they may labor. It is to be lamented that
many of these innocent individuals, from the fear of being charged with
guilt, suffer long years in silence when the truly judicious course is
to engage medical aid as soon as the fact becomes known. The old-class
physicians have used the most powerful minerals within their reach, and
with the earnest and honest desire to do good, have accomplished much that
has been of temporary benefit. But the reaction from the use of these
minerals has been, in all instances, of a non-curative character, the patient
purchasing for temporary enjoyment many after-years of incapacity and local
weakness.
There is nothing so discomforting to man as the loss
of virile power. He may not be a sensual being, yet manhood is a
pride to him, the possession of which is always a gratifying knowledge.
Impotence implies more than mere virile imbecility, it signifies also a
loss of vigor and elasticity of the whole organism, and a gloomy state
and impairment of the mental faculties. It has elsewhere been observed
that the well-being of the whole economy is greatly dependent upon healthy
genitalia; and mental composure, vitality and acuteness of intellect, graceful
and easy manners, etc., are no less independent of the virile faculties.
Impotency is, therefore, always a deplorable condition, and he who permits
himself to be long without the legacy of virility, commits a great injury
upon his own personal welfare, and places but a poor value upon the choice
powers of manhood. Man without virile power is an anomaly; he has
lost his status of sex, and is practically a eunuch as long as the unmanly
condition is tolerated. There is a higher motive in posssession of
virile power than the ability to gratify amorous passion. If that
alone gave chief value to virility, its loss would be but inconsiderate,
but as we have seen that vigorous manhood is consonant to vitality of the
mental and physical economies, it gains a value not to be despised, but
greatly cherished, even by the most continent and virtuous men. Healthy
functions of the genital organs are as requisite to the integrity of the
whole organism as healthy functional action of the thoracic and abdominal
organs, and any derangement of the pelvic organs is capable of precisely
as much, if not more, disorganization of the general health as a disordered
digestive or circulatory apparatus. I will close the consideration
of this subject by inviting all those who are deficient in masculine tone
or capacity to call on me in person or consult me by letter. (See
page 385.)
THE PHILOSOPHY OF GENERATION
The greatness, importance, and responsibility of
the marital relation are but improperly appreciated and understood by the
majority of males and females who enter into that relation. There
is a momentous duty to be performed, far more important than those generally
supposed to be incumbent upon husband and wife. We have in other
places considered the more general duties devolving upon husband and wife
to be discharged; we will in this place dwell upon a subject which of all
others pertaining to the conjugal association of the sexes is the most
important, and which as a duty is more universally neglected and improperly
performed because the principles and laws governing generations are but
imperfectly understood or not at all. The precise question relative
to generation which we purpose to discuss is the transmission to children
of the best possible mental, physical and moral attainments.
We have in another part of this work stated that
the legitimate object of marriage is to legalize the sexual covenant, and
to confine it within a healthful and moral atmosphere. This is not
only the legitimate, but technically it is the only aspect of which the
law takes cognizance. Such a congress is, therefore, legal between
a male and female who have been bound together in wedlock. This is
all right and proper; but not by mere legalized association can the welfare
of the race be best advanced or secured. The distinguishment of animal
creation into two sexes was only designed by Nature for one purpose--the
multiplication of species; but it never was the purpose of Nature that
the sexes should indiscrimately associate, or that the intent and design
of multiplication would be fitly subserved in all cases by merely allowing
any male to covenant with any female, irrespective of selection.
In the lower animals this is avoided by instinct, but in man the restraint
is given by the higher impulses of reason. Yet, notwithstanding this
high quality in man, the purpose of Nature is often defeated or controverted
by wilful disregard of the promptings of an innate intelligence or disobedience
to what is known as physiological law.
The first requisite is circumspect marriage.
Without the marital union of eligible parties human progress would be slow,
or unpromising. A circumspect marriage tends, however, to bring into
conjugal union the more highly endowed male with the more highly endowed
female; or, in other words, the best man would marry only the best woman.
The man having highly developed physical, mental, and moral, faculties
would only be content in marrying a woman with similarly developed faculties,
and in such a union we have the basis for highly endowed offspring.
In another essay are given the precautions candidates should observe prior
to consummating marriage, and if the instructions therein given should
be heeded, ufit marriages would be of rarer occurrence.
But in marriage, proper or improper, a duty has to
be performed, neglect of which is sinning against the welfare of the whole
race. The aim of all married people should be the bringing into the
world of healthy children, not physically only, but mentally and morally
also. The greatest achievement and proudest monument of parentage
is in giving to the world such offspring as will act well their part in
the great drama of life. How is it done? Can parents so regulate
the gestatory process as to give their children at birth the heritage of
physical excellence, large mental capacity, and superior moral disposition?
Assuredly they can; it requires but willingness and effort in the right
direction. The mother who imparts to the being hid away in her loins
her personal features, her disposition, etc., can impart much more by proper
effort. The father, from whoim the male formative material is received,
can do much for the welfare of that being evolved from that material.
For all that it is, the child is indebted to either one of the parents;
from them is received the human qualities it possesses or exhibits.
Subsequent care, training, and education may do much, but the original
bias is received within the confines of the womb.
Not much need be said as to the transmission of mental
superiority to children. If the parents are intelligent and educated,
the children will also have large mental capacity. Subsequent mental
training will serve to give offspring that mental culture which in the
present progressive period of the human race each individual being should
possess. Intelligence, not ignorance, now holds sway; and no one
can harmoniously glide along with the current of human progress without
a cultivated mind. If mothers, therefore, have tastes for the intellectual
pursuits, let them not abandon them while another life is developing.
The transmission of moral qualities is more readily
accomplished. To what extent they can be transmitted is not readily
definable, but it is a well-settled fact in psychology that the moral habit
readily descends from parent to child. This fact is exemplified in
the history of nearly every family, for in nearly every case the moral
tone of the children represents that of the parents, at least as far as
disposition is concerned. Vicious association may destroy the moral
tone, even if the disposition is unfavorable; but when the disposition
is favorable to moral excellence the inclination to vice is strongly curbed,
and moral degeneration is not so easily effected, even if the child is
surrounded by all the allurement of vice. On the mother, then, a
high duty rests -- she is chargeable with the moral tone of society, not
by neglecting the supervision of the moral faculties of her born children
so much as by indifference when a human soul is undergoing intro-uterine
development. Motherhood comes to many most unwelcomely; the trials
and cares incident to it are not favorably regarded; but there are few
women in whom the maternal instinct is so deficient that they would, with
sheer malice, endeavor to give birth to a babe so weighted with the destiny
of a bad organization, as to make them through life utterly insensible
to all the moral relations of life. Yet such a legacy is completely
within the power of a mother to give. If she is not elevated by purity
of thought and of action, if not ennobled by intensity of maternal feeling,
and if not actuated by constant solicitude for the welfare of her unborn
babe, the organization of the child will be unquestionably vicious.
She should remember that the child in uterine life has no blood but that
of the mother; all that courses through its veins and arteries also courses
through the blood-vessels of the mother. How important it is then
for mothers to guard against everything calculated to disturb the harmony
and regularity of the vascular current!
The child in utero is technically but an appendage
or parasite, over which the maternal mind and body exerts a marked influence;
consequently, if mothers in the pregnant state pay heed to the moral relations
of life, curb for the time any evil disposition they may have, take pleasure
only in that which is pure and upright -- in short, lead a blameless moral
life--they will most surely be blest with offspring in whom the disposition
will be kind and the moral tone exalted. Let me then say to expectant
mothers: enlighten and elevate the moral sentiments, exercise desirable
talents, cultivate beautiful qualities; for if you do, they will certainly
bloom in great brilliancy in your children and children's children.
So, too, if there exists among the subtleties of your character any dark
spot, exert all your moral strength in order to eradicate it. Surround
the growing soul with good influences; cultivate all noble impulses, all
holy aspirations; breathe into the opening flower, by the magic power of
a mother's love, such knowledge and moral legacy as will prepare it for
the world in all its antagonisms; and you will see in the final fruit the
reward for all your care, self-denial, and self-abnegation. Husbands
must learn to recognize this supreme power of their wives over the ante-natal
life (both mental and physical), and they must observe such a line of conduct
as not to frustrate any endeavor to exercise it rightly, but should give
them the best possible conditions to improve it.
How can parents have healthy children? This
is a question of such significant importance to married people that it
should engage their most earnest thought and liveliest interest, for parents
can by judicious care and careful practice endow their offspring with most
excellent physical vigor. To effect this it is only necessary that
they should themselves be healthy, or to render inert by proper medication
the tendency of transmission of any infirmity or disease with which they
may themselves be afflicted. The most potential cause of degenerate
health in offspring is the ruinous effect of nervous debility. Any
male who previous to marriage practised self-abuse, and who married while
suffering form the effects of such a pernicious habit, cannot furnish for
the purposes of generation such perfection of formative material as will
insure full health in the being that evolves therefrom. The seminal
liquid is diseased, and carries with it the germs of low vitality and poverty
of physical endurance or capacity. For this reason the author discountenances
marriage in those who by youthful errors induced the involuntary expenditure
of semen, because that affection destroys the instinct of propagation,
and renders the sufferer incapable or unfit to afford such formative material
as will result in healthy products of conception. I therefore adjure
all these suffering from this infirmity not to marry until by proper and
skilful treatment a healthy integrity of the organs is fully re-established.
If those who are married suffer from the unmanly losses of semen, they
should by all means make early endeavors to have their manhood restored
in all its fulness. Those who are partially impotent should not neglect
to secure the required treatment -- such as well restore virile vigor and
healthy procreating power. Medical treatment is of the greatest importance,
and, assuredly, it is only those who have full manly vigor and integrity
that can hope for healthy offspring. It is scarcely an allowable
exercise of privilege for any male to marry if suffering from the effects
of indiscretions, as it is well known to every physiologist that procreative
capacity is lessened thereby, and offspring usually of feeble mind and
body and low moral tone. Let all such sufferers then fully appreciate
the responsibility of the married state, and only enter its portals with
healthy genital organs and proper virile capacity. This advice should
be heeded by all who properly estimate marital eligibility. Their
first duty is to engage the services of a competent physician, who will
by proper treatment restore the proper integrity of the organs, impart
the required vigor, and secure the necessary conditions for healthy propagation.
Eligibility for motherhood requires full integrity
of womanhood. No healthy babe can be born if its ante-natal life
is passed in a diseased uterine cavity. Women suffering from inflammation
or ulceration of the mucous membrane lining the uterine cavity cannot possibly
give birth to a healthy child. It is then a high duty for all wives
to make all possible effort to become sexually healthy, and if they
have the prudence to engage the proper herbal they will certainly regain
the required feminine vigor and motherhood will be blessing instead of
a curse.
Proper treatment will even avert the transmission
of scrofula, epilepsy, consumption, and other diseases capable of hereditation.
This must be given while the child is developing within the uterine cavity.
The disease in the parent may not be cured, but rational treatment, under
the guidance of a skillful physician, can so modify the gestatory process
as to effectually prevent the child from being born with a similar diasthesis.
This subject is one of the most important within
the whole range of medicine, and should engage the interest of all; it
concerns not only individual welfare, but the health and the mental and
moral well-being of the whole human race.
The author gladly gives advice to those who may need
counsel or treatment. Parents who submit their cases for my consideration
will be fully advised what course should be pursued. All communications
held inviolably secret. (See page 385 for guidance as to consultation.)
DIVORCE
This implies the separation of the married pair,
by legal dissolution of the matrimonial bonds. Divorces are most
commonly given by the courts for causes occurring after marriage; but jurists,
in treating upon this subject, also include those causes by which a marriage
may be rendered null upon antecedent grounds; as where a marriage was accomplished
by forcible or fraudulent means, or where, in consequence of near consanguinity,
the act of cohabitation between the pair is by law considered incestuous.
Where a physical incapacity for marriage prevails in one of the parties,
divorces are usually granted by nearly all courts, provided such an incapacity
existed previous to marriage.
It is not our purpose, however, to discuss the subject
in its legal aspect, however interesting it might be, but to consider it
rather in its popular sense. It is not within the province of the
medical writer to consider the subject relative to its legal bearings,
though he may with propriety give the subject the attention it claims with
reference to abuse of the marital privilege. There are practically
many divorces between husbands and wives, of which the law takes no cognisance,
and for causes for which no court would grant a dispensation. The
author is fully aware that the divorce laws are not any too stringent,
and probably too facile in many commonwealths; but, while he is by no means
in favor of easy divorce laws, he is ready to admit that the strong hand
of the law sometimes is not waved to the side of justice, but inflicts
intolerable anguish by enforcing a matrimonial existence which in its very
nature is adverse to the very spirit and essence of matrimony.
It is practically divorcing the marriage tie when
mutual love no longer characterizes the union. The only bond that
unites and that makes the union an inseparable one is love, and not the
mere formal ceremony of espousal. The law, however, does not and
cannot recognize anything but the vinculum matrimonii as binding, but the
philosopher delves deeper, and while he does not dispute the necessity
of legal ceremonies, he nevertheless knows that marriage is in its very
essence not such a union as defined by law, but a linking of affections,
a union of souls and hearts. Marriage is practically annulled when
love is no longer the cord of union; without mutual affection the association
becomes intolerable, the higher purposes of the tie are defeated, and the
sacred precinct is invaded by elements foreign to the psychical character
of the marital atmosphere. Law can, however, not remedy this; the
candidates for marriage must, as before advised, exercise such precautions,
that they may not decieve themselves, and only form a matrimonial alliance
that augurs a congenial wedded life. Divorces cannot be granted for
uncongeniality, provided no actual infringement of the marriage bond has
been committed, and cannot extend a dispensation because married life is
loveless. Abuse of its privileges would follow, and divorce laws
should therefore of necessity be stringent, so that marriages be not recklessly
contracted, and obliging intended union to be the result of guarded and
careful deliberation, as it is easier to prevent mistakes than to rectify
them. Negligence of consulting the better knowledge brings its own
reward, and, however intolerable the punishment, a separation cannot ensue
by virtue of law. Humanity would grant the dissolution of the tie,
but the purity and purpose of law must be protected. Stringency must
shield it from disgrace, or the possible chance of its becoming the agent
whereby injury may be done, or flagrant violations of matrimonial duty
may be prompted by its laxity. Every candidate should lose sight
of every consideration except that of happiness in married life, and see
that no one can exclaim
"She (or he) whom the law calls yours,
Is by her (or his) love made mine."
In nearly all courts, adultery is sufficient cause
for divorce, and very properly so. It is the most heinous violation
of the duty and trust attached to a conjugal union. Everything besides
pales in comparison with adultery in the enormity of its malfeasance in
the marital sphere. It is such a flagrant abuse of duty and fidelity
that the conjugal pair owe to each other, that it has even been recognized
by divine law as sufficient cause for divorce, and as long as civilization
has a foothold, and morality considered a virtue, so long will adultery
be regarded subversive to the integrity of the conjugal union. It
is a crime admitting of no extenuation, and incapable of condonement by
the morally upright or the virtuous pure. It is the brand that inflames
the worst passions in the one who has thus been injured and disgraced by
his or her conjugal associate, surely engendering hate and detestation
if the proper value is placed upon marital loyalty. The bubble that
has just burst is as easily reconstructed as to again establish confidence,
peace and happiness in that family, of which either the husband or wife
has sinned. The wound is incurable, and prolongation of the wedded
association only aggravates. Therefore, the only remedy is a legal
separation from the one who has proved so unworthy of marital trust.
It is not enough that the husband and wife should be guiltless of adultery,
but their conduct must be such as to arouse no suspicion of neighbors or
others. The conduct must be so guarded that loyalty is not doubted,
but manifested even under circumstances where the liability to err is great,
so that fidelity is established and suspicion disarmed.
That wife, who, by her conduct in society, or in
her social intercourse with other men, brings upon her mistrust, and who
provokes public scandal by her vagaries and lax conduct, actually debauches
her husband's good name, and does him as much injury as she would were
she guilty of adultery. She may never have committed the act, and
probably never would, but her deportment is such as to lead observers to
the opinion that she would prove disloyal if circumstances favored, thereby
committing a grievous wrong, and staining the honor and good name of her
husband to an unwarrantable extent. The man that brings to his bride
the legacy of honor and respectability is greatly injured if she by her
immoral conduct begets the suspicion as to loyalty of his friends and neighbors,
and she is unworthy of his love and protection if she so far forgets her
duty as bring a stain upon his character by her own imprudence. She
is guilty of adulterous proclivities, which should be considered sufficient
cause for divorce, even if adultery cannot be proven. On the other
hand, the husband, who by improper behavior in company is so unguarded
as to be suspected for his loyalty and attachment to his wife, is unworthy
of her, and cannot justify his conduct by even the most liberal interpretaton
of the marriage contract. It would, unquestionably, be well if the
law would recognize conduct that suggests an adulterous proclivity as sufficient
for divorce, even if adultery per se could not be proven, as it would most
probably have a salutary effect in counteracting the tendency to the degeneracy
of modern free-loveism.
The cry of many wives of the present day, who think
that their duty to society is paramount to the duty they owe to their husbands
is -- Would you exclude us from society? Am I to be imprisoned in
the home you afford me and not be allowed to receive my friends, or to
mingle again with society? No, not at all; the seclusivism of the
harem is not calculated to promote the best interests of conjugal life;
but it is to be insisted upon that when wives are in society their conduct
should be so dignified, so hedged in with propriety, that their reputation
remains unsullied, that the most suspicious need not suspect, and that
the libertine is given no opportunity to make his offensive proposals,
nor his heart gratified by a passive submission to his lascivious conversation,
looks, and hints. Caesar claimed not too much in his requirements
of a wife -- she should in all respects be above suspicion. The wife's
greatest pride should be the observance of such a line of conduct as meets
her husband's approval. All her actions should be characterized by
purity and fidelity, and no cause should be given for unpleasant comment.
Such noble wives are denominated the oppressed, the slaves of men, etc.,
etc., by the Women's Rights women; but they are not, -- they and they only
are the idols of men, at least of those whose affections are pure and worth
having. The angelic quality of women, so often the theme of poets
and lovers, is surely only manifested by the virtuous and in the faithful.
The very existence of civilization is dependent upon virtuous women and
faithful wives; men may become depraved, but as long as women remain pure,
civilization, morality, and religion will be fostered and propagated.
If women live the truth and act the truth, humanity will ever be blessed
with the benefits of civilization.
To the sterner sex the mantle of virtue is no less
becoming; and fidelity is as much of an adornment and requirement to them
as of the gentler sex. The libertine is a despicable creature; and
the adulterer is so lost to honor and nobility of characters, that his
presence in the society of the pure and good should be considered an outrage
upon decency and propriety. Chastity is a superior virtue, and loyalty
in wedlock a noble attribute; and whichever one of the conjugal pair proves
reckless to these connubial trusts is unworthy of marital companionship
and defiles a sacred institution.
BRIDAL TOURS
"Some essays have been written on the barbarisms
of civilization; many more might be. Many of the habits prevailing
in what ought to be our most refined society are at variance with almost
elementary ideas of decency. Others are equally marked in their injurious
physical tendencies. It is not surprising that clergymen, even when
not of the strictest sect, and philosophers of no particular sect at all,
have declaimed against fashionable dresses and dances at late hours.
But there are other customs against which no church has fulminated its
anathemas, the dangers and absurdities of which no fidgety reformer has
perceived or noticed. One of these conspicuously is the Bridal Tour.
"Let us illustrate by a typical case. During
one of the earliest and coldest 'cold snaps' there comes off a wedding,
which, from the official standing of the parties, naturally attracts some
attention. We are soon told that the 'happy couple' are off on their
wedding trip to -- well, not exactly Alaska or Greenland, but a territory
nearly as frigid, and that part of the journey is to be made in stages
or sleighs. The intense excitement in appropriateness of the proceeding,
the wonderful pains taken by these people to make themselves uncomfortable
on what is supposed to be the most festive occasion in their lives, would
move one to Homeric laughter, did not events disastrous to the health of
the conjugal pair usually follow so closely on the heels of bridal tours."
If the parties are not as high in the social scale and less wealthy, the
mischief done is as great, if not greater, for in their tour they may lack
substantial comforts which the wealthy alone can afford. To all married
couples a bridal tour seems to be considered as absolutely essential to
give the marital union an importance, without which it would, in their
opinion, be an unromantic and but partial marriage.
Looking at the custom from an aesthetic and sentimental
point of view, nothing can be more repulsive. An American marriage
is theoretically a love match, and it is generally so in practice.
Now two persons in love want to see as much as possible of each other,
and as little as possible of other people. It is to that we find
exceptions; there are individuals whose diseased vanity desires to give
publicity to every act of their life. It is a misfortune that these
vulgarians are not rarer in every class. An instinct of seclusion
and modesty should be the general rule, but this absurd custom forces a
new-married couple to put on an unnatural restraint on their legitimate
affection, or to make themselves ridiculous before the public. Love,
both emotional and passionate, is usually most exuberant to those recently
joined in wedlock, and philosophy would suggest the exercise to be confined
more to seclusion than the sporadic opportunities afforded in a wedding
tour.
Now, in the common-sense, practical, man-of-the-world
point of view, the fashionable practice is equally objectionable.
It is notorious that nothing, except marriage itself, tries the temper
more than joint travel. Therefore, at the very outset of their life-partnership,
the quality on which the happiness of that union principally depends is
put to the rudest strain. The happy couple expose themselves to the
insolence of hackmen and hotel-clerks, the discomforts of rail and hotel,
irregular hours and uncertain meals. The Irishman, in the song, married
a wife to make him "unaisy." A wedding tour on one of our great thoroughfares
of travel is admirably contrived to accomplish this result for both parties.
All this, however, it may be suggested, is matter
of taste. We cannot expect to shape the caprices of fashion or custom
by the dictates of deliberate philosophy. But what follows is not
a questionable point of taste or comfort; it is a matter of downright fact,
as certain as if it could be mathematically demonstrated.
The consummation of marriage is, with the exception
of child-birth, the most critical period, physically, of the woman's life.
After the moral and physical excitement which attends it, her system demands
rest, repose, quiet, regular and good living, a supporting and restorative
way of life. If these can be secured for some weeks, so much the
better, but at any rate they are necessary for some days. Her emotional
nature attains the highest state of excitement, in consequence of assisting
in a repast which is approached only by intense agitation, no matter how
much she may feel it to be a legitimate incident to marriage. This
makes it doubly exhaustive, and not only her health for the rest of her
mortal existence, but the health and strength of her offspring may be,
and often are, materially affected by the want of proper care at this time.
Instead of which, the bridal tour piles on additional excitement and fatigue,
makes regularity of life impossible -- in short, the act involves the reverse
of all that the rules of health and physiology require. There is
an underlying sense of modesty which may urge the bride on to a journey
immediately after marriage. The new condition of life exacts changes
which she rather would fulfil among strangers then in her own or husband's
domicile. It may confuse the modest and retiring woman to assume
the conjugal associations in presence of her parents, brothers and sisters;
but as this is one of the modesties not really commendable, however natural
it may be, it does not afford sufficient inducement for encountering all
the vicissitudes of a wedding tour.
For man, too, at this time, repose and calm, though
not so necessary, are highly desirable. It constantly happens, in
the case of both sexes, that a slight indisposition, which passed unnoticed
in the hurry of preparation, is aggravated to a serious and even fatal
extent by the excitement, exposure, and neglect consequent on the wedding
tour. No man, for instance, would think of postponing his marriage
on account of a slight cold. If he stayed quietly at home afterward,
and took care of himself, it would pass away like other slight colds; but
he goes off on a bridal tour in the depth of winter, and the malady develops
into a chronic pulmonary complaint. Nor would a young woman put off
her marriage because she felt a little extra lassitude and want of appetite,
with an occasional headache, which, however, may be premonitory symptoms
of typhoid fever. If you take typhoid fever in time, there is nothing specially
dangerous abaout it; care, patience, and slight treatment are only necessary,
and it runs its course. But, if neglected at first, it is almost
inevitably fatal. Many cases of brides and bridegrooms, in my professional
experience, came under my observation, dying of typhoid fever just after
a wedding trip, which had caused the early symptoms to be misunderstood
and neglected. And I have known things worse than death to happen
-- insanity, temporary or permanent, brought on by the extra fatigue and
excitement of the wedding journey.
One old New York custom, and probably to some extent
prevailing in other places, was infinitely more rational. The new-married
couple took up their quarters at the house of the bride's father, and remained
there in seclusion for a week. The only fault about this arrangement
was the shortness of time, but for a week, at any rate, they had absolute
repose and quiet, and enjoyed all the comforts of a home without the trouble
of housekeeping. For one week, at least, the inter-communion of the
conjugal pair was unhampered, and secured against the criticism and gaze
of the public.
The present fashion of bridal tours is an unmeaning
and unreasonable imitation of the European, especially the English practice.
The original English theory of a wedding trip is, driving in a comfortable
carriage, at a rate of speed just sufficient to exhilarate without fatiguing,
over good roads, in weather which may be pleasant or unpleasant, but is
never dangerously cold or dangerously hot, to some secluded country-place
or seaside village, and resting there a month. The new mode of continental
tours is in some respects just as absurd as ours, though the advantage
of climate lessens the fatigue and physical risk to some extent.
The notorious mutability of our climate is in itself reason enough why
a bride should not be exposed to the accidents of travel.
It will thus be seen that the medical aspect of a
bridal tour is sufficiently important, and the risk incurred sufficiently
great, to cause the wedded pair, if they wish to be actuated with impulses
of reason and prudence, rather than by the dictates of custom, to pause
before they undergo the trials of a wedding journey. It would certainly
be more conducive to their health and happiness if they were guided by
a better reason in this respect, and leave wedding trips to be indulged
in by those who would rather run the risk of injuring their health and
general well-being than offend a fashionable practice. It is a fashionable
vulgarity, and not prompted by the behests of good-breeding and social
dignity.
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